Inferno, Purgatorio, Paradiso (or Weigh-in Wednesday #3, Part 2 of the ongoing saga that is OMG...what if I don't have a pretty face?)

I woke up this morning just after 5.30AM without an alarm.  I lay in bed scrolling through various apps on my phone designed to help me.  For the last four years, these apps have indeed helped me...they have helped me feel bad about myself.  This morning, like last Wednesday and the Wednesday before that, I was too excited to fall back asleep.  Instead of rolling over and drifting off...I checked my exercise stats from the last week, I made sure I had inputted my latest meal in my food journal, and (even though I hadn't actually worked out yet) I put a very red, very large checkmark beside SUZIE CARDIO in my calendar.  The apps have finally started doing what they were intended to do...as I had also finally started doing what I intended to do.

Starting weight - Jan. 17th, 2020 - 285.4 pounds (115 days until my 45th birthday)

1st weigh-in - Jan. 22nd, 2020 - 281.3 pounds (-4.1 lbs)

2nd weigh-in - Jan. 29th, 2020 - 277.0 pounds (-4.3 lbs)
3rd weigh-in - Feb. 5th, 2020 - 273.7 pounds (-3.3lbs)

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

"Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven"

And gods know that I have had one hell of a lot of good intentions over the last four years.  I have set them, written about them, talked about them, and half-assedly gone through the motions.

In February of 2016, I wrote about how I had gained weight after knee surgery (2015) and then some more because of various dietary indiscretions/training delinquency.  That was three years into my weight loss journey, I was 187 pounds.  I was self-blaming for letting myself go while simultaneously trying to be all zen by letting go of blame and moving forward from a place of self-love.  Well, that was my intention anyway. 

Fast forward to January of 2017 or 2018, it doesn't really matter, it's a whole lot of the same thing.  Apparently, I was incredibly annoyed at being fat, and I wrote several repetitious blog posts about it.  I even mentioned my weight a couple times - in the upper 200s at that point.  That's a bit of progress - admitting that I had a problem, I mean.  It was a step...step one in some cases.  But, alas, instead of moving through the various other steps (of which there are generally twelve)...I just kept paving the road with idle hands.  Incidentally, paving a road is a seven-step process according to an asphalt pavement installation website I happened upon.  That's a difference of five whole steps - no wonder so many of us are choosing the easier route.  

Then something happened in 2019...well, late summer 2018 really.  I was tired of being ashamed, embarrassed, angry, and bitter, of avoiding things, of isolating myself, I was exhausted from all the procrastination, and the fear.  I was scared of who I'd become, and of what people thought of me.  I was afraid that I couldn't change my situation, and I was uncertain of my future while simultaneously dwelling in my past.  I was trapped in a hell of my own making, and I was doing absolutely nothing to rectify the situation...until I was.

In October 2018, I started walking.  I paid attention to my apps and my pedometer, and I got more active.  That month, I  ate healthy foods in appropriate portions, and I journaled it all.  Baby steps in the right direction.  308  pounds of baby at the beginning, mind you, but baby steps nonetheless.  It was the first time in a long time that I took a good hard look at all the roadwork I had done...and realised that the street I had been working on was two ways.  After pulling that U-ey, in February of 2019, I joined a gym, hired myself a personal trainer, and got ready to work my arse off.  I will call 2019 the year of "girding my loins," because it wasn't until January of 2020 that I was fully prepared to go into battle. 

C. S. Lewis once wrote, "you can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending."  I guess this is just the next chapter in my epic saga of going from biblical proportions to the Devil wearing Prada. 

Blogaffair 2018

Ah!  Nice to see you, Bloggy Bloggertons.  We have to stop meeting like this...under that big magical moon.

The beginning is always so engaging and fulfilling.  I get butterflies around you, thinking of what is to come.  I promise to be true and you give me so much freedom...but sometimes I take liberties.  Forget to check in.  But when I wake up to you the next morning...with all those things swirling in my head that I want to say to you, well, you know me, I can't resist a little morning write.  If I don't get to it early, sometimes I don't get to it at all.  And I've been a bit fickle in the last couple of years...and I feel like I want to get to know you again. 

I'm sorry our rendez-vous have been few and far between as of late...but let's rekindle that old flame, shall we?

Mama Spitfyre needs a bit of mojo. 

Happy New Year

x

Good morning, Weed Wacker!

I'm up, I'm up!  

Well, it appears to be that day in summer where the city sends people in orange suits to my front yard (or the grassy knoll directly in front of my building) to cull the overgrown grass, blackberry bushes, and other extremely dry vegetation.  Great in the prevention of wildfires, also great in the waking of Spitfyres.  

I know, they're allowed to start city works at 7:30 AM...but c'mon...can't I have another 5 minutes of sleep?!  

Oh, wait...my lovely husband has just produced a skinny latte and placed it down on my bedside table.  I suppose I can face the morning.  I'm just happy I didn't get out of bed and walk around the place nekkid as a jaybird only to find weed wacking workers looking up through my living room window in disbelief. 

It's been quite some time since I have put fingers to keyboard and tapped out a blog post...why is this?  Am I lacking in inspiration?!  Quite the opposite, I have many an unfinished manuscript...or at least there are posts suspended in cyberspace describing situations here and there that have hindered, helped, hijacked, and heartened my journey towards health and fitness...so what gives?!  Truth be told, I don't know.  Perhaps I have just fallen out of the habit of writing.  I certainly haven't lost my sense of humour about what goes on in my life...and I am always up for a good laugh, even if it is at my own expense.  Ha!  So, I will attempt to pick up where I left off.  And...that was all the way back in May...wow.

May was my birthday month...and the one good thing about getting older, is that I seem to be getting wiser, or perhaps become more of a wise-ass - you decide. 

Birthdays used to always mean a bit of reckless abandon when it came to diet and exercise, but this year I was determined that May would be different.  In the beginning, I made a conscious effort to cut back on portion sizes and to stop capitulating when I got a hankering for something savoury after dinner.  Must remember to not eat all of those peanuts in the fridge that are reserved for fancy salads and/or the popcorn on the shelf that ended up there because I finished the last of the kernels and then my lovely husband replaced it with a whole new batch!  Seriously, I need a locked cupboard that only opens when a recipe requires it to, and not if I get peckish before or after dinner.  Also, must remember to eat enough throughout the day so that I don't mindlessly eat dry ingredients in the pantry out of sheer desperation...dry soy beans, I'm looking at you.  Seriously.

So how'd my May go?  Well, pretty much the same way the first 4 months of the year have gone...it's been a bit of a bumpy road, but I'm learning to ride out the rough spots.  And...most of the time?  I was comfortable in the saddle.

Starting weight - January 16th, 2013 - 294lbs
53rd weigh-in - January 22th, 2014 - 151.8lbs

54th weigh-in - January 29th, 2014 - 144.3lbs

55th weigh-in - February 5th, 2014 - 154.8lbs

56th weigh-in - February 12th, 2014 - 146.1lbs

57th weigh-in - February 19th, 2014 - 143.7lbs

58th weigh-in - February 26th, 2014 - 145.7lbs

59th weigh-in - March 5th, 2014 - 141.4lbs

60th weigh-in - March 12th, 2014 - 145.1lbs

61st weigh-in - March19th, 2014 - 149.4lbs

62nd weigh-in - March  26th, 2014 - 143.3lbs

63rd weigh-in - April 2nd, 2014 - 147.1lbs

64th weigh-in - April 9th, 2014 - 147.4lbs

65th weigh-in - April 16th, 2014 - 140.7lbs

66th weigh-in - April 23rd, 2014 - 141lbs

67th weigh-in - April 30th, 2014 - 149.3lbs

68th weigh-in - May 7th, 2014 - 144.1lbs

And the weigh-in after my birthday week?  

69th weigh-in - May 14th, 2014 - 140.5lbs

140.5 pounds!?  That's a bloody miracle because after weigh-in Wednesday #68, I headed to Vancouver for a couple days away with the folks.  How did I approach eating and exercising in a different city without my "normal" routine?!  Well, I tried to get in at least 3 square a day and walked all over town for cardio.  Despite eating at Vij's, downing a cocktail or two whilst on "vacation," and eating mini cupcakes for breakfast on my birthday, skipping lunch in order to clean the loft, and having wine for dinner that night, I survived.  And, lost 3.6 pounds...woot...back to 140 point something!

Happy Birthday to me.

But that was then...and this is now.  So how am I faring at this point in time?!  I don't want to talk about it.  But, I also don't want to make excuses and gripe about how I have gone back to work and it's harder to find time to exercise now that I'm back to being gainfully employed...because it's not been the exercise that's been the problem.  It's been the food.  In fact, making excuses as to why it is impossible to get off the couch and head to the gym, is just that...and excuse, and I haven't got time for those.  I haven't really slipped on the exercise thing, still working out with the ninja (Jonathan Carpenter of MIJO Sport) twice a week and still heading to the gym 5-6 days a week with other activities thrown in...one of my favourites being yoga with Taryn Strong.  Om.  

And, speaking of om...as in "om nom nom"... that's what I have been doing a lot of lately.  

It is said that to achieve a healthy weight it is 20% exercise and 80% diet...and I believe it.  It doesn't make a difference how much I exercise if my food choices thwart my weight loss efforts.  That is not to say that a distinction should be made between acceptable and unacceptable foods, but that I, Miss Spitfyre, need to rein it in a little  Oh summer, not only do you come with weed-wacking-workers, but you also bring with you backyard barbeques, burgers n' buns, and a whole lotta beer.

Lost in translation...

2013 Viva Glam Suzie

Where have I been?  Certainly not blogging...that's for sure.  It's been 12 days since my last post.  

Yikes.

Well, I've been scratching out ideas for blog posts on sticky tabs, plugging notes in the memo section of my smart phone, and jotting stuff down on random opened envelopes around the loft.  I've been talking about things I want to share on OMG with my fellow ninjas-in-training, getting pumped up by the new Times Colonist Health Challenge peeps, and yet nothing got posted on the interweb.

2014 Viva Glam Suzie

What has prevented me from writing?  I have been working out to the point of exhaustion and nausea - but what else is new?  I have been eating healthily - again, same ol', same ol'.  A-ha!  I have not been drinking alcohol!  That could be it...right?  No, wait.  My evenings have been freed up a bit, so I should have had more time to blog.

Who cares?  Why do I always try and find a reason or an excuse?  There is no excuse...I just haven't been at it.  It's as if my thoughts have been lost in translation...or something like that.  There, floating around my brain, but not expressed in type.

Time for some type-casting!  

Changeology 101

At present, I am blogging in the lobby of the Crystal Pool.  The room is not busy as the early morning coffee-drinking-chatty-cathys have dispersed; however, there is a steady flow of people through the automatic doors.  I have been displaced by someone with their head down on the table in "my office" - several people have pointed this out, I have told them I like to mix it up.  Truth be told, I would rather have sat in my cosy corner tucked away in the darkened alcove.

Change is hard.

Having said that, change is also the only constant in life.  So why do we find it so difficult?  Shouldn't we be used to it by now?  Shouldn't we embrace new perspectives?  Meet challenges with open arms and courage?  Yes.  But do we?  No, not necessarily.  This is something a lot of people, including myself, have to work on.  I'm an archaeologist and a reminiscer going on futurist and forward thinker.  Oh, I still want to sit at "my table," but I am content in the knowledge that all things happen for a reason.

Change.  Evolution.  Adaptation.

It's a good thing I'm seated at another table, because the Heart and Stroke Foundation has surprised the front desk staff and started setting up a blood pressure checking station in the now brightly lit cranny.  Interesting.  Maybe I should get my blood pressure checked.  Last year, I was on the higher side of normal, I wonder what I'm at now?  First, I had to fill out a form.  Name, birthday, etc. etc. etc.  Then the quizzy part:
 

Do you smoke? No, yes, how much?

Do you drink? No, yes, how much?

Do you eat at least 5 servings of fruit and veg a day? No, yes, sometimes.  More like 10!

Do you exercise? No, yes, how much? Can I have an extra piece of paper? Or should I just write this response on the back?

After I filled out the form, the woman behind the table said, "I thought it might be you."  Haha...recognition, I was in the TC again on Tuesday.  And, then she told me that I got all the questions right!  Oh goodie, I hadn't realised I was getting graded, but I'm glad I got 100%, might not have had a GPA of 4.0 if it had been a year ago.  My blood pressure certainly wasn't 103 over 65.  After I was done with my readings, I was told that I had the heart rate of a marathon runner.  WHAT?  Positive change.  Apparently, anyone who has a heart rate between 40-60 beats per minute is categorised as "adult athlete" - I'm at 45.  MIJO Sport athlete and ninja-in-training indeed!

Survival of the fittest. 

Though the last year has not been "a walk in the park" (more like many, in fact, wind sprints in the park), I have survived...and have acquired a level of fitness that I never thought possible.

¹change

verb \ˈchānj\

 

: to become different
: to make (someone or something) different

: to become something else

²change 

noun \ˈchānj\

:  the act, process, or result of changing: as   

a :  alteration <a change in the weather> 

b :  transformation <a time of vast social change> <going through changes> 

c :  substitution <a change of scenery>

Over the last 51 weeks, I have become something different, I have transformed, and the scenery changed along the way.  Change became a good thing for me, despite the challenges it presented.  

It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad. - C. S. Lewis

It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.
Charles Darwin
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_change.html#uywrzeihsEz9yGi7.99

 

It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.
Charles Darwin
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_change.html#uywrzeihsEz9yGi7.99

 

 

Ready to take the stage...to change...to hatch and avoid being a bad egg?  

Apparently, there are 5 stages of change according to the transtheoretical model developed by James Rochaska and Carlo DiClemente.  At any given point in the process of change, individuals fall into 1 of the 5 stages.  Successful completion of each stage is dependent on implementation of various strategies.  Most of the research associated with this model has to do with addiction, though it is also applicable to substantial lifestyle changes...lucky for us! 
 
Stage 1 - Precontemplation - At this point, individuals are oblivious to the necessity of change.  They are not cognisant that there is a problem.  This could be due to failed attempts at amending certain behaviours or just a lack of awareness altogether.  In order to push past this stage, individuals must come to the realisation that change is needed in order to accomplish a goal.

Big Mama Spitfyre - Stage 1 - Eating deep fried alligator and drinking frozen margaritas in New Orleans, Louisiana, Suzie embraces soul food and laid back southern culture.  

Stage 2 - Contemplation - Now, individuals are aware that change is required and/or desired, but lack conviction.  Unwanted consequences of unhealthy behaviour are weighed against the challenges of lifestyle change.  Contemplation phase is marked by the individuals recognition of the problem and an openness to change.  It is the "list of pros and cons stage."  In order to graduate to the next level, rumination must turn into development.

Sprained Suzie - Stage 2 - Spraining her ankle on a deceptively level looking slab of flagstone while on vacation, Suzie returns to Canada unable to walk.  Various doctors cite body habitus as a reason for the severity of the injury.  Suzie finally realises her unhealthy lifestyle has lead to some dire consequences. 

Stage 3 - Preparation - This is the planning stage of things.  Individuals may research how to be successful in their attempt to change, small steps may be taken to decrease capitulating, and stimuli that trigger unhealthy behaviour will possibly be avoided.  Goals will be established during this phase - SMART goals, hopefully.       

TC Health Challenge participant Suzie Spitfyre - Stage 3 - Suzie amends her diet as a New Years resolution, applies for the Health Challenge and is chosen.  She has her first meeting with the ninja, and together they set some smart goals for the next 3 month period.     

Stage 4 - Action - Plans are followed at this stage of the game.  In order to affect the change desired, individuals apply strategies to ensure the successful cessation of unhealthy practices.  In order to maintain changed behaviour, temptations must be resisted and skills practiced in order to avoid slipping back into past habits.  Self generated and external reinforcement support systems put in place. 

Ninja-in-training Sujira - Stage 4 - Eating a diet rich in fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains, going to the Crystal Pool & Fitness Centre 6 days a week to work out, training twice a week with a ninja, practicing yoga twice a week with Anahata Moon Yoga, Suzie follows doctors', trainers', and dietitian's orders and has no plans of stopping!  She loses 52 pounds during the health challenge and another 48 in the following 4 months.

Stage 5 - Maintenance - This stage begins 6 months after the termination of unhealthy behaviour when the individual's new routine is stalwart and consistent.  New lifestyle has been fully embraced and energy is now focused on fortifying strategies to prevent relapse.  The individual has essentially re-invented themselves through positive change.

Iron Goddess Spitfyre - Stage 5 - From August to January, Spitfyre uses her steely resolve and iron will power to overcome her demons.  She continues her journey to health by eating a balanced diet and leading a very active lifestyle.  Suzie commences taekwondo classes with MIJO Sport and enrolls in the Eating Disorder's Programme offered through HealthLink BC.  Group classes strengthen her commitment to a wholesome relationship with food, and taekwondo hones her physical health and fitness, while offering mental and spiritual development.  She continues to work on her blog, hoping that it may be the catalyst that readers need to start on their own journeys towards health.  (Yes, I'm talking directly to you guys.)

So, why the spiral diagram?  Well, don't expect change to be a linear and straightforward process.  Though all these steps are neatly laid out to flow one into the other life is rarely so forthright - expect a bit of lateral movement, no movement at all, or even reverse movement.  It is important to remember that even if there is some regression, if something can be learned from the experience then it is not all negative.  Occasionally, it takes a slip-up to protect against future vulnerabilities.  And, what's that cliché?  If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!    

Suzie's advice to those wanting to adopt a healthy lifestyle through diet and exercise: tips on how to ride the merry-go-round of change without spiraling out of control.

• Ensure that you are self-motivated because only you can change your world - make sure you are committed to the process.  Change is largely a mental game. Practice mindfulness.
• Surround yourself with role models, friends, family, and people who are supportive of your new lifestyle - build positive experiences.
• Set SMART goals - Aspirations should be specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, and timely.
• Stop behaviour that interferes with a healthy lifestyle, avoid situations that could lead to capitulation, and decrease apparently irrelevant actions.  Use wise mind and coping strategies.
• Stay positive, remember that one step forward followed by one step back isn't the end of the world, it's the cha-cha!

The road to good health is a long and sometimes arduous journey, but if you have a destination in mind, a good map, are not afraid to ask for directions, fill the car with good peeps, play some cool tunes, pack some wholesome snacks, stay hydrated, and positive...you will arrive safe and sound right where you expected.  If you veer off track, there's always GPS...and I assure you, it will not tell you:  "Stop, you've gone in the wrong direction.  All is lost, give up now."  No, it'll tell you to make a U-turn at the next available opportunity.  And, don't be afraid to change direction, you never know where you'll end up...and most of the time it's a much better place than where you started.  Trust me.

It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change. - Charles Darwin

Weigh-in Wednesday #48 - Odin's bad eye

Yesterday, I said that I was going into weigh-in blind, and so I did.  It is said that Odin, father of the Norse gods, sacrificed one of his eyes to drink of the Well of Urd whose waters imparted the knowledge of the cosmos.  Well, I could use more knowledge (couldn't everyone?) and I do drink a lot of water, but am I willing to go blind for it?  Not really.  So, what does this have to do with Weigh-in Wednesday?  Well, the day after Týr's Day is Wēdnes Dæg...and Wednesday is named after Wōdin (Anglo Saxon for Odin) and in order to check my weight on the scale, I had to open my eyes to gain the knowledge of my new number.  You with me so far?  Good, I'm glad you're coming with me on this.  Haha...luckily, Mímir (guardian of the well) didn't ask for anything in return, though I did sacrifice 0.7lbs of fat.
 
Starting weight:  292.1

1st weigh-in:  286.8

2nd weigh-in:  280.1

3rd weigh-in:  276.4

4th weigh-in:  274.1

5th weigh-in:  270.6

6th weigh-in:  266.2

7th weigh-in:  262

8th weigh-in:  261.4

9th weigh-in:  257.7

10th weigh-in 251.4

11th weigh-in 247.3

12th weigh-in 243.6

13th weigh-in 241.7

14th weigh-in 235.4

15th weigh-in 235.4

16th weigh-in 227.7

17th weigh-in 223.5

18th weigh-in 223.5

19th weigh-in 221.6

20th weigh-in 221.6

21st weigh-in 215.6

22nd weigh-in 213.2

23rd weigh-in 207.9

24th weigh-in 206.6

25th weigh-in 200.1

26th weigh-in 199.7

27th weigh-in 197

28th weigh-in 191.3

29th weigh-in 189.9

30th weigh-in 180.7

31st weigh-in 183.4

32nd weigh-in 186.4

33rd weigh-in 186.3

34th weigh-in 174.8

35th weigh-in 174.8

36th weigh-in 170.1

37th weigh-in 169

38th weigh-in 170.2

39th weigh-in 174.7

40th weigh-in 166.4 

41st weigh-in 162.8
42nd weigh-in 159.9
43rd weigh-in 166
44th weigh-in 161.7
45th weigh-in 158.5
46th weigh-in 156.5
47th weigh-in 154.1
48th weigh-in 153.4

I worked out like a viking and ate like a valkyrie and lost 0.7 pounds this week.  Progress is progress whether it's 0.7 of a pound or 7 pounds, right?  And speaking of progress, I meant to post this on Thor's Day and not 7 weeks later like the last WIW update.  Alas, I couldn't get my Asgård in gear and am posting this on Friday.  Ah, Frigg!  

I am sooooooooooooooooo bad.

No, I didn't cheat on my diet...or skip a day of exercise.

I just haven't been blogging recently.  1 post a week is simply not good enough for me...perhaps that's why I've been a little more anxious lately...blogging is my therapy.  And, it's not like I don't have anything to talk about.  I have plenty of ideas plugged into my phone or even noted on this site (yet unpublished), but they haven't yet made the cut as I haven't had a chance to go over them and edit.  Must be more disciplined!  Perhaps it's due to my active social life?  Well, not exactly, I did have a birthday and my best friend from Winnipeg was in town...but those are just excuses.  I think it's because I've been spending longer working out and more quality with the dog.  Haha...

Promise to be better.  See what happens when I'm left to my own devices?

x

Suzie