Monday, February 01, 2016

Here we go again...

Mine is a tale of perspiration, determination, and inspiration...or at least it used to be...no wait, IT WILL BE AGAIN!  And lemme tell you why...

It made perfect sense each year (2014 and 2015) that a couple of the Times Colonist running groups had invited me to speak to before their group run/walks.  After all, I was the contestant in the 2013 TC Health Challenge group who lost 52 pounds in 3 months, and then used the next 5 to lose another 50+ pounds...eventually losing 156 pounds.  At that point, I weighed less than than what I had lost.  Inspiring, right?!

Once upon a time there was a lady who let herself get to 294 pounds.  She was always a good time girl, who could be swayed into going to the bar, sharing pints with friends, eating pub grub...and even going to Le Banquise (she was a Montr√©aler after all) at 4 in the morning after the bar for some poutine, a Mae West, and an 'ot dog all dressed.  But that was then...this is now...
 
Or is it?!  I think I just described my last trip to Montr√©al.  And, my recent trip to Hawaii.

And possibly just a couple days ago.

Okay, so a lot of things have changed...but some have not.  I started writing about my plight to lose weight, get fit, and healthy in this blog 3 years ago, and it really helped me get through the tough stuff and see the humour in what I was doing.  Luckily, for dramatic effect, I had a lot to lose.  You see, that makes for a good story.  But what about now?!  Do I still have it in me to make fun of myself trying to get fit and healthy after some indiscrepancies in the food department, exercise regime, and the healthy living area in general?!  You betcha.
  
After all, it's exciting to learn about the 294 pound lady who, with the help of a ninja (Jonathan Carpenter), whittled herself down to a svelte 139 pounds from January 2013 to July of 2014 through a combination of eating right and exercise...because that's pretty amazing...but, I believe that it'll be even more inspiring to find out that lady is a real person.  And, that three years after she started her journey, it continues.  It has its ups and downs and ups (as the case is now)...and dammit, she can't even blame the knee surgery she had in November, because that was over 14 months ago now!

I remember stepping on the scale in front of hunky JCarps, the ninja, when I was 294 pounds and not really caring what it said...not even being embarrassed...because I was never going back there.  Now, when I step on the scale, I'm watching re-runs in reverse and it scares the shite out of me.  Am I slipping back into old patterns?!  Yes.  Am I becoming less active?  Yes.  Am I skipping meals and then binge eating later?  Yes.  Am I eating my emotions?  Yes.  What is happening to me?!  
It took me over a year to "cheat" on my healthy eating plan...on the Super Bowl 2014 weekend, I succumbed to junk food again for the first time...and, you know what!?!  I got away with it.  Lately, it's been a whole lot of junk food eating and not a whole lot of getting away with it.  I just hope the ninja doesn't try and weigh me in at our next session...because I will care and be embarrassed at what I've done. 

Luckily, half my wardrobe is stretchy and I seem to gain weight in all the curvy lady bits...but it's becoming a little more obvious now that its not just 15 pounds that I've gained since my knee surgery, it's more like 30.  And at this point, I cant blame being laid up and limpy...I have to blame myself...AND I can't even do that because my yoga teacher (Taryn Strong) says that you have to let go of blame.  

Letting go doesn't mean we don't care.  Letting go doesn't mean we shut down.  Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave.  It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment.  It means we stop trying to do the impossible - controlling that which we cannot - and instead, focus on what is possible - which usually means taking care of ourselves.  And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible.  - Melody Beattie

She's right...Melody Beattie and Taryn Strong.  Rather than getting all upset with myself and eating an entire bag of Doritos, which will only make the entire situation worse...I am going to let it go, and be grateful that I know how to do this, that I still have a ninja to help me, and that Illoana called to book me for a talk before her Henderson 10K Run Clinic...because that was just the kick in my significantly more voluptuous arse that I needed to get back at it!

And I should probably sign up and run that TC 10K.

Here we go again.

Are you with me?!