Texts from my Croatian Conscience:

My conscience as a 1950s okā-san of the okiya.

Okay, it's time for numbers.  How much did you lose?

Well...a month ago I was at 292.1 and tomorrow is my weigh-in day...but I stepped on the scale this morning and I was at 273.6.

You know how much I hate being nice to you and saying good things...but that's amazing.

You are less fet lady.

I have to start coming up with new material because I won't be able to make fun of your weight.

Weigh-In Wednesday #1

This is how I used to feel.

Happy Hump Day!   

Well, it's the very middle of the week and my weigh-in day.  I have found this day in particular to be THE best day for weighing in...and believe you me, I have had lots of experience with the picking of the days.  

My first serious attempt at losing weight had me weighing in on Saturdays at 9:30 AM in a nondescript building on Ste-Catherine's Street in downtown Montréal.  When I showed up, it was fine...but at least half the time I would wake up in Westmount at well past that time with quite a hankering for a greasy breakfast at Cosmos....mmmm...Nick's potatoes.  Wednesdays just seem right as they are just far enough away from any alcohol fuelled momentary lapses in judgement suffered on Friday or Saturday nights (possibly resulting in the eating of an entire bag of Doritos and/or chow mein with extra peanut sauce and spring rolls from that Thai restaurant on St-Laurent that used to be so dirty, but soooooo good)...where was I?  Oh ya, you can make up for those on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.  So Wednesday it is.       

Noodle fetish.

This time round...

Starting weight: 292.1 pounds

This week's weight:  286.8 pounds

*Burst of confetti*

Yay!  I'm a loser.  5.3 pounds down in just one week.  That's 7 days of eating right and 2 workouts.  Not too shabby!

Here comes the dreaded second week...and that starts with me working my butt off at the Crystal for an hour of cardio.  Then having dinner later with some university friends at Futaba.  Luckily, I got to choose the restaurant...remember what I said about the Japanese being tiny?  Well, it may have something to do with their portion sizes as well.  If we go Japanese for dinner, I'll most likely be able to control myself...in the food department anyway, there's no telling what will happen at the restaurant..haha..we were some pretty crazy kids back in our uni days!  

Why monkeys make you thinner...

Here’s the thing about exercising…I will do pretty much anything to get out of it.  So why would I subject myself to personal trainer torture?  

In the past couple years there have only been a few instances where I have gone above and beyond in the exercise department…each took place in Japan.   

My beautiful monkey reward.

My friends, this is the reason the Japanese are teeny-tiny and live a very, very long time…before you can appreciate the unbelievable architecture, reach spiritual enlightenment, or feed the monkeys…you have to climb 80,000 steps, visit 88 temples as an arukihenro, or climb a mountain…and before that they force you to eat raw fish and $80 square watermelons. 

No, they don’t…but there are miniscule octogenarians climbing hundreds of stairs to get to shines, walking pilgrimages in Shikoku, and scaling Iwatayama to admire the primates…and they’re doing it in kimono and geta.  So, this 250 pound gaijin sucked it up and did it too.

Hopefully, Jonathan has some Shinto shrines and a macaque or two to dangle in front of me to keep me going.