e·piph·a·ny 2017

e·piph·a·ny

əˈpifənē/

noun

noun: Epiphany; noun: epiphany; plural noun: epiphanies

the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi (Matthew 2:1–12).

the festival commemorating the Epiphany on January 6.

a manifestation of a divine or supernatural being.

a moment of sudden revelation or insight.

First of all, I am not religious. Not in the epiphany sense of religion anyway...so January 6th has always meant "take your Christmas tree down, the party is over." In actuality, a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away it was the day when the 3 wise men arrived to give Jesus his belated birthday gifts. In Shakespeare's era, Twelfth Night was a time of bawdy pursuits, merry-making, hard drinking, and lusty encounters - well, that one sounds much more fun, though presents are good too. For me, and this year, it is going to have to mean a sudden revelation or insight. 

I need to get back to my healthy lifestyle thing. That thing I started 4 years ago. Thanks to Facebook I get updates as to what I was doing on this day in the past. Last year I was hiking in Volcano National Park on the Big Island of Hawaii, 2 years ago it was 6 weeks after my knee surgery and I was able to get myself into a nice cross-legged position after having trained at the gym, 3 years ago I was a puffy-eyed ninja-in-training who went to the gym in the morning despite having put my beloved cat, Cobweb, to sleep in the wee hours of the that day. I was a trooper, a yogini, an explorer...and today, I'm sitting on the couch writing this and wishing that I were anywhere but where I am right now.

I am 100 pounds away from where I want to be...in the last 7 months I have pretty much given up on being healthy and happy. After injuring myself (again) in June, I stopped going to the gym regularly. I was scared to restart taekwondo because of what had happened yet again in class. My willpower dwindled, and I pretty much gave up on myself. Depression followed and I turned to food once more for comfort - I pretty much ate myself silly from September to January. I wish everything were as easy as getting fat!

Today, this is my revelation: I got fat again.

My insight on the situation: At the very least, I know how to undo it.

Time to wise up.

Now someone give me some prezzies and we can call it a day.

"Burpees are killing me."

That's the first text I received this morning.

The second was, "I just accidentally msged ninja that, not you.  Ooops.  Haha."

Good morning, Suzie Spitfyre!  This is the kind of message I get first thing in the morning from my partner-in-crime and fellow ninja-in-training, Jacqueline.  Remember, when I said surround yourself with positive people?  Jacqueline is one of my positive people.  She has been training with the ninja for 4 months or so...and she gets it.  We gripe about which body part hurts and why, and we also celebrate our mastery of certain exercises...burpees aren't her favourite, obviously. 

This morning I woke up to an achey chest, wrists, arms, sides of legs, and a bunch of other stuff.  Damn those Bosu flyer tilt things.  It's been a while since I have felt the pain of working out...and not because I haven't been working hard, but because I have gotten into better shape.  Now I have to push even harder to get that good hurt.   

And for the record...I heart burpees, and those flyer tilt thingies too.

#WeWereWinter, now it's time for a #SpringFling

There's nothing like the Olympic Games to make me power up stairs harder, win sprint faster, lift longer, burpee better, spin stronger, etc. etc. etc.  I have always loved watching the Olympics, but I have a new found respect for the athletes this year.  I am not exactly training for the Olympics, but I have dedicated the last 14 months to becoming an athlete.  Back in high school I wanted to be on the first Canadian women's bobsleigh team...because that wasn't even a possibility...and now, well, don't think I didn't go crazy when Humphries and Moyse won gold at back to back Olympics!

So now what?  It's all over, and I (like the rest of the world) have 2 years to wait until our Summer Games athletes don the red and white and march proudly into Maracanã Stadium.  And, also my impending return to work is looming.  How do I deal with that?  

Time to make the most of the time I have left.  That sounds ominous, and it is.  I am looking forward to returning to the working world, but how do I deal with being at work for 9 hours a day 5 days a week without a set schedule?  Retail means working out with the ninja twice a week with set times will most likely be a thing of the past, and I don't think I'm ready to give that up.  But, I may have to in order to keep my job.  So what to do, what to do?

Well, I can tell you what I'm not going to do.  I'm not going to watch terribly scripted "reality" shows (as the Olympics...including the Paralympics are over) on telly, it's time to focus, act like a real athlete after the Olympics and set some goals for my real world life!  Perhaps you've heard of post Olympics depression (POD as one of my friend's husband calls it)?  Well, I feel like I'm going to go through post TC Health Challenge and subsequent unsustainable insane workout schedule depression...TCHC&SUIWSD for short.

Time to get over #WeAreWinter and think about having a #SpringFling.

Lost in translation...

2013 Viva Glam Suzie

Where have I been?  Certainly not blogging...that's for sure.  It's been 12 days since my last post.  

Yikes.

Well, I've been scratching out ideas for blog posts on sticky tabs, plugging notes in the memo section of my smart phone, and jotting stuff down on random opened envelopes around the loft.  I've been talking about things I want to share on OMG with my fellow ninjas-in-training, getting pumped up by the new Times Colonist Health Challenge peeps, and yet nothing got posted on the interweb.

2014 Viva Glam Suzie

What has prevented me from writing?  I have been working out to the point of exhaustion and nausea - but what else is new?  I have been eating healthily - again, same ol', same ol'.  A-ha!  I have not been drinking alcohol!  That could be it...right?  No, wait.  My evenings have been freed up a bit, so I should have had more time to blog.

Who cares?  Why do I always try and find a reason or an excuse?  There is no excuse...I just haven't been at it.  It's as if my thoughts have been lost in translation...or something like that.  There, floating around my brain, but not expressed in type.

Time for some type-casting!  

Iron Goddess & the Christmas Conundrum

To get through the latest part of my quest for health and fitness, I've had to find some serious steely resolve.  As Iron Goddess, I have shown a certain amount of dedication, determination, and discipline thus far, but what I didn't expect was the holiday season effect.  

The Christmas conundrum is this:  "You've done so well, look how tiny you are!  Surely, you deserve a break...a rest...a treat...another drink.  It's Christmas time." etc. etc. etc.  This happens most frequently at parties, dinners, girls' nights, afternoon sessions, open houses, evenings at the pub, family gatherings, restaurants...pretty much anywhere there's an opportunity for me to do something "naughty" when it comes to eating or drinking.  Now, I understand why a host(ess), friend, colleague, or whoever would say something like that, because they just want me to relax and enjoy myself.  They are giving me permission to let go for a bit - that's all fine and dandy for other people, but I am not other people.  I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I've got to choose nice over naughty if I want to reach my goal.  I'm still in the process, I can't let the Baby Jesus' birthday celebration screw me up.  

So how do I deal with ubiquitous holiday parties?  Well, for that I take a cue from the tenets of Taekwondo. 

1. Courtesy - Ye Ui - Be courteousness to the host(ess).  I thank him/her for inviting me, give a gift for being gracious enough to have me over, invite me to the dinner, or ask me to be involved in whatever the festive occasion...and I don't tell her/him that I'm not really going to eat because I don't exactly know what's in any of the food and my body really doesn't need all those high fat, high carb goodies anyway.  I will, however, go crazy at the fruit and veggie platters or eat some of the appetiser I brought...luckily, no one really notices this, because I'm super chatty and always have a glass of something in my hand.  Who says if you give up the treats, you can't have a good time, eh?  Cheers!

2. Integrity - Yom Chi - With integrity, one is able to define what is right and wrong and live a life of principle and morality.  Well, as you know, I have a Croatian conscience who keeps me somewhat in line; but having said that, choosing between right and wrong has often been easy over difficult, tasty over bland, lazy over industrious for me...but not anymore.  Adherence to my new healthy lifestyle is correct, slipping back into old habits is not.  No 13 trips to the buffet this holiday season.  It's about embracing the change and making decisions such as this:  No unhealthy food...only wine.  Wait!  No.  Awww...man, I gotta work on this one. 

3. Perseverance - In Nae - is all about having patience.  I knew getting into this whole health challenge that it would take time, and that I would need to keep at it if I were ever going to reach my ultimate goal.  Perseverance is knowing that I can overcome any difficulty through time and discipline.  It is the realisation that if I let go and eat and drink anything I want at a holiday party, that it will have some consequences.  And, at the same time if I do let go and eat and drink anything I want for, well, let's say Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, that perseverance means accepting the aftermath of said actions and forging onwards without dwelling on 2 days of frivolous behaviour.  I have endured almost 12 months of exercise and clean eating, and I am not about to throw all of that out the window for some turkey and mash...and, so I continue on the path to health and fitness despite what may have happened on the 24th and 25th.  Perseverance is accepting slip ups, forgiving yourself, and continuing down the righteous road.

4. Self-Control - Guk Gi - “He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty" - Lao-tzu.  Christmas or not, this may be the most difficult of all the tenets for me to follow.  As a binge eater, self-control is not my strong suit...and now, in an ironic reversal of fortunes, restriction is how I exert governance over myself.  I realise this is not appropriate, and I am working on it...I suppose I feel the need to punish myself for misbehaving...or for past bad behaviour.  Before you think that I am dabbling in anorexia, it doesn't happen all the time but it is there, it rears its ugly head occasionally.  Self-control for me is being able to maintain my healthy lifestyle without the pendulum swinging too far in any direction.  I am someone who strives for perfection, this is very difficult for me to accept, though I realise that I need sustainability.  As Iron Goddess, I am in complete control of my person...mentally, physically, and emotionally, as Suzie Spitfyre I'm still a fat girl trying to get healthy.

5. Indomitable Spirit - Baekjul Boolgool - having the courage of one's convictions.  Despite the odds being stacked against me this holiday season, I will triumph over the never-ending buffets, ever-flowing fountains of drink, and the overwhelming draw of the Christmas couch.  I will not be easily defeated, discouraged, or subdued...and thank gods there are only 5 more days of this nonsense!  As much as I love festivities with friends and family, exerting iron will over what used to beat me into submission has been hard.  Though I wasn't perfect, I did my best...and lived to fight another day...for I am Iron Goddess and I am indomitable.

Weigh-in Wednesday #...well, the last 7 weeks worth…woops.

Well, when it comes to writing about my weigh-ins…I have seriously been slacking off - sorry about that.  Perhaps it’s because they have been a bit more uppy downy since my knee injury and that makes me feel a little like I’m not very versed in losing lately.  At least the uppy ones make me feel that way.  The downy ones still make me feel great.  Especially since the last 7 weigh-ins have taken me into the 50s…and I dig that era, and that weight.  47 weeks ago I told the ninja that I eventually wanted to be 150 pounds…and I certainly did not expect to get down to 154.1 pounds in 11 months.  That’s pretty wicked.  That’s 138 pounds lost according to me, and 140 pounds according to Jonathan, as a million years ago he weighed me in on a random Monday and I was up 2 pounds from my initial Weigh-in Wednesday…but he wins because 140 sounds more impressive than 138.    

Here’s what you know already:

Starting weight:  292.1

1st weigh-in:  286.8

2nd weigh-in:  280.1

3rd weigh-in:  276.4

4th weigh-in:  274.1

5th weigh-in:  270.6

6th weigh-in:  266.2

7th weigh-in:  262

8th weigh-in:  261.4

9th weigh-in:  257.7

10th weigh-in 251.4

11th weigh-in 247.3

12th weigh-in 243.6

13th weigh-in 241.7

14th weigh-in 235.4

15th weigh-in 235.4

16th weigh-in 227.7

17th weigh-in 223.5

18th weigh-in 223.5

19th weigh-in 221.6

20th weigh-in 221.6

21st weigh-in 215.6

22nd weigh-in 213.2

23rd weigh-in 207.9

24th weigh-in 206.6

25th weigh-in 200.1

26th weigh-in 199.7

27th weigh-in 197

28th weigh-in 191.3

29th weigh-in 189.9

30th weigh-in 180.7

31st weigh-in 183.4

32nd weigh-in 186.4

33rd weigh-in 186.3

34th weigh-in 174.8

35th weigh-in 174.8

36th weigh-in 170.1

37th weigh-in 169

38th weigh-in 170.2

39th weigh-in 174.7

40th weigh-in 166.4

And, here’s what’s happened on the scale in the last 7 weeks:

Oct. 30^th, 2013 - 41^st weigh-in 162.8

Nov. 6^th, 2013 - 42^nd weigh-in 159.9

Nov. 13^th, 2013 - 43^rd weigh-in 166

Nov. 20^th, 2013 44^th weigh-in 161.7

Nov. 27^th, 2013 - 45^th weigh-in 158.5

Dec. 4^th, 2013 - 46^th  weigh-in 156.5 

Dec. 11^th, 2013 – 47^th weigh-in 154.1

The day after WIW #41 was Hallowe’en, and I trained at the gym as a zombie…and thanks to my MAC make-up and mad make-up skills people just thought I was just a bit ill…with pink eye.  

Right before WIW #42 my bestie, Delfine, came to town.  Always so amazing to see her, and also to weigh-in in the 50s on Wednesday...even after a dinner party and drinks.  YAY! 

The Saturday before WIW #43, I was training with the ninja, testing out the knee, and then the bloody thing gave out on me again.  So, that's the reason for the 6.1lb gain anyway...fluid retention...or it could have been the fun that was had in Courtenay on Thursday and Friday. Stéphane, Delfine, and myself headed up to the Kingfisher Oceanfront Resort and Spa for a bit of R 'n' R.  Seriously great massages on the Thursday, fabulous fancy dinner, libations, snacks, and amazing conversation.  The following morning, we visited the Pacific Mist Hydropath, which was quite the experience.  8 stations, including Swiss showers, mineral massage pool, 5 different kinds of waterfall massages, a eucalyptus filled steam cave, glacial waterfall (10 seconds of freezing water - I was able to endure the entire 10...yay me!), river walk (warm and cool sides), sea mineral soak, and finally tidal baths with seaweed salt scrub.  I hardly made it to the gym after that, and when I did...my skin was so slathered in green tea moisturiser that I nearly slid off the treadmill and could hardly hold onto the dumbbells, but I did get a workout in after the hydropath and before the most relaxing pedicure in the world.  Lovely to see my Montréal bestie, sucky to gain 6.1 pounds.

WIW #44 saw me lose the weight I had gained...or at least 4.3 pounds of it.  Time to pull out the salads for lunch, soup for dinner trick again, I guess.  Gah!  How long is it going to take me to lose this weight!?  Not so stressed out though, because I had to take a couple days off after injuring my knee again.  So the next week I can add some more exercise into my week.

WIW #45 - So only 2 weeks to lose the gained weight...not too shabby.  Plus an extra 1.4 pounds on top of that...lowest I've been in about 16 years, I'd say.  I think I was about 180 when I got back from Ireland, so pre-Ireland, I would have been maybe 170 or 160 something.  Not too shabby going into the holiday season in the 150s.  Gods help me to resist the temptations that this season brings...fortunately, I always say no to sweets, but it's a lot harder to say no to another glass of prosecco with Elderflower liqueur.  Mmmmm...

WIW #46 - 4 days after Stéphane's work party...and down another 2 pounds!  That, my friends, is awesome.  A fancy affair at the Union Club is how Genivar celebrates the holidays...seafood appetiser buffet, fancy cocktails to start, gorgeous dinner buffet, wine on the table, and top it off with 83497328943789 desserts.  So, what did I eat?  Well, I filled up 1/2 my plate with spinach salad, skipped the fatty dressings and opted for a couple wedges of lemon, picked up a deviled egg, and then had a slice of roast beef with some horseradish...because even though everything looked delish, I'd rather not have party guilt the next day.  I have a nasty habit of having 1 of something and then it opens the floor gates for another 1..and 1 more after that, and if I've had a couple glasses to wine, 1 turns into 5 very easily.  Better safe than sorry, so no cocktails, no appetisers, no mashed taters or Yorkshire puddings from the buffet, no bread and butter, no Christmas puds or cookies for me.  No, and because of that I still fit into the party dress that I bought specifically for the occasion!  Don't ask me how much wine I drank...on the plus side, I got some cardio in on the dance floor.

WIW #47 - 4 days after 2nd Christmas party of the season, another weigh-in.  And this time, I was suffering from "tried a few things from the buffet" guilt.  I know it's perfectly normal for other people to pick and choose a few nibblies to enjoy while drinking eggnog and chatting to other party goers, but I can't.  I have to eat before hand so that I don't begin to covet the gorgeousness that only a chef and pastry chef can make.  Around midnight, I may have sampled a handful of things...but Jägermeister Rudolf quite possibly had something to do with it, what a bad influence.  Check out Heather's delicious treats here www.VIN COCO.com.  Needless to say, I was feeling a little "fluffy" after that evening.  And, was surprise weighed-in on the Tuesday before WIW...I don't like it when my suspicions are confirmed not only by an impartial scale, but a rather observant ninja who also noticed my fluffiness.  160 to 154.1 in 1 day?  Well, it just goes to show how weighing in at the same time each week is the way to go.  I'm sure my weight fluctuates during the week, but if I were to check the scale throughout, I would go mental (more so that usual) and probably psyche myself out.  Why would I let a scale have that sort of power over me?

Having said that, I go into WIW #48 blind as Odin's bad eye...but knowing that I have worked out like a viking all week, Valkyrie Suzie that's me.  My diet has been spot on, except for a dinner party don't on Sunday when I guesstimated how many Wisecrackers I had with an approximated amount of antipasto, and I have stepped up the exercise this week.  Finger's crossed for tomorrow this full mooned Tiw's Day!  Though, I suspect hard work and a strict diet trumps luck every time.         

Run for your life!

Generally, I hit the gym in the morning before my brain has time to figure out what I'm doing.  It's a good tactic, you should try it.  Also, when I start early, my workout burns fat rather than fuel.

Yesterday, 10 minutes after starting on the treadmill...I employed the same kind of strategy and broke into a run.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I started running...and nothing, absolutely nothing, was chasing me.  

There was a time when I could not run...and that was only about 10 months ago...so now, running feels like freedom and makes me feel really alive.  Wow, I never thought I'd say that.  Could it be that I actually like to run?  No, that can't be it.

This past Saturday, I ran for 20 minutes in a row, and so of course yesterday I had to go faster and further.  I cranked the speed to 10 KM / hour and I gave 'er for 30 minutes.  I ran 5K!  I ran 5K...for reals.  Did I mention that I ran 5 whole kilometres in half an hour?  Well, I did.  And, it felt great!  Until the ninja appeared from out of nowhere, surprised me, and I dropped my MP3 player on the moving tread which then shot it off the end and landed it at his feet.  I nearly did the same, until I grabbed a handrail and steadied myself.  Woops.  Classic Suzie.

Run 5K = Winning.

Drop iPod, make fool of self = Par for the course.

And yes, I do believe I like running.  But, don't tell anyone. 

Weigh-in Wednesday #39 & #40 - The agony & the ecstasy

Promptly following my knee injury, I had a rest week....which is pretty much exactly like an active rest week, only without the active.  Seriously?  

MIJO Sport ninjas, Mayor Dean Fortin, and lil' ol' me.

But, the City of Victoria is opening the adult playground in Central Park...I have to go to that!  And, my buddy the mayor is going to be there!  

The one good thing about being injured is that I get to get up, have a shower, wash my hair, do my hair, put on some make-up, and wear real people clothes that don't contain 7% spandex!  

Though I'd been using crutches since the night before, I decided to drag my bum leg behind me to the Crystal Pool & Fitness Centre.  Man, I thought I had big legs before but this was ridiculous.  Holy moley was my leg ever swollen; from hip to toes, my leg felt like it had been replaced by a log.  Still, I was able attend the grand opening of the 16-piece outdoor exercise circuit in Central Park, howbeit I was not able to participate in the orientation provided by MIJO Sport ninjas Michelle & Jonathan Carpenter.  I could, however, pose behind said equipment with them and Mayor Dean Fortin.

How am I going to deal with the pain, swelling, Frankenstein-like walking, constant icing, occasional use of crutches, and the mental anguish that comes from gaining a pound on the Weigh-in Wednesday immediately following the injury?  Well, I shoulda and coulda buckled down and realised that I may need to adjust my diet to account for the prescribed cessation of training.  Oh, coulda, woulda, shoulda!

Before wine.

Starting weight:  292.1

1st weigh-in:  286.8
2nd weigh-in:  280.1
3rd weigh-in:  276.4
4th weigh-in:  274.1
5th weigh-in:  270.6
6th weigh-in:  266.2
7th weigh-in:  262
8th weigh-in:  261.4
9th weigh-in:  257.7
10th weigh-in 251.4
11th weigh-in 247.3
12th weigh-in 243.6
13th weigh-in 241.7
14th weigh-in 235.4
15th weigh-in 235.4
16th weigh-in 227.7
17th weigh-in 223.5
18th weigh-in 223.5
19th weigh-in 221.6

Drinking wine and getting played.

 
20th weigh-in 221.6
21st weigh-in 215.6
22nd weigh-in 213.2
23rd weigh-in 207.9
24th weigh-in 206.6
25th weigh-in 200.1
26th weigh-in 199.7
27th weigh-in 197
28th weigh-in 191.3
29th weigh-in 189.9
30th weigh-in 180.7
31st weigh-in 183.4
32nd weigh-in 186.4
33rd weigh-in 186.3
34th weigh-in 174.8
35th weigh-in 174.8
36th weigh-in 170.1
37th weigh-in 169 
38th weigh-in 170.2

39th weigh-in 174.7...oh dear.

Obviously, I did not adjust my diet...nor did I make any concessions.  I didn't make good choices.  No wait, let me rephrase that...I chose to go hang out with awesome friends on Friday night, which was a great decision.  Rachel and my crafty plot to go see Mickey Avalon at a club after having polished off a significant amount of wine?  Possibly not the wisest idea in the world, but did we ever have fun.  Once we convinced the boys, we hopped in a cab and headed for town...of course, I totally forgot that I had no ID on me at all.  I had to cajole the bouncer into letting me into the club by cleverly pointing out my crow's-feet, "Look, there's no way that I am 18, right?"  Which, worked!  Really?  We came, we saw, we conquered the club and...1...2...3...4 got our booties on the dance floor.

Saturday was a reunion of sorts with my neighbour from Simon Fraser University residence Josée and Melody...one of Jo's friends turned our friend.  Why is it that when I hang out with people from uni, I turn into a university student?  Well, I don't actually...I wish...then I wouldn't be able to point out the wrinkles around my eyes and get into clubs without identification.  We decided to be all grown up and have some Prosecco to start the evening with some appies served in fancy dishes...ooohhh....awww...and of course no one moved into the living room to fully enjoy the experience.  No, we all hung out in the kitchen, as you do.  Lovely, leather couches in the living room, elegant lighting, coasters all the way from Paris and Spain and a Skyfallesque arrangement of sterling silver candlesticks, deer antlers, a smudging bundle of sage in an antique tray on the coffee table...and everyone stays put around the kitchen island.  Though there were pumpkins and tulips at that, and as we live in a loft you could see the livingroom.  It's strange how Prosecco turns into Syrah, Syrah to Malbec, Malbec to Cabernet...and before you know it, we all had purple teeth and tongues and were playing ridiculous videos on YouTube.  We narrowly avoided Glee karaoke, having settled on sharing ridiculous clips from YouTube.  Please enjoy this...we did:

After much dancing, laughing, and singing along to every novelty song known to humankind we called it a night, at 2 AM in the morning.  And this is what they don't tell you when you're 38...you cannot party like an 18 year old, or a university kid...because the next day I woke up like death warmed over.  And not because of the drinking, though that may have helped, but because of a lack of sleep.  Still, I was thrilled with the prospect of reinventing Thanksgiving dinner into a healthy gratitude filled feast!  Later Stéffi and I went to the grocery store and stocked up on golden and red beets, carrots, celeriac, sweet potatoes, shallots, chicken, and cranberry sauce...turns out if you put sage on chicken...POOF!  Thanksgiving.  The cranberry sauce helped too.

So partying, feasting, and no exercise all week meant that on Wednesday,  October 16th...I weighed in at 174.7 pounds.  That's another gain...and a 4.5 pound gain too, but for some crazy reason I was okay with it.  Awww...I'm growing up.  I guess I just realised that I had an injury, I ate what I would normally have eaten, but didn't exercise a lot of it away.  And in the grand scheme of things, what's a 4.5 pound gain?

The next week, I buckled down with my diet, I started exercising daily again, and on weigh-in Wednesday #40:

40th weigh-in 166.4

That would be an 8.5 pound loss.  See what happens when you eat healthily and exercise?  If only it were that easy all the time.  I secretly think that at least 8 pounds of that loss was due to a reduction in fluid retention in my sprained knee log leg.  Though, I have to say, as much as I enjoy my rest weeks, I sure was happy to hop back onto the cardio equipment.  Even if I had a little cry the first time I tried the recumbent bike...my log leg was not exactly bendy.  Luckily, the ninja swooped in and asked me why I was on the bench and not on the bike.  When I told him I couldn't do it, he told me I could.  And if he says I can do something, I can.  I trust him.  Of course there was pain, but I got used to it...and gradually it got easier throughout the week.  Also, he introduced me to the rowing machine.  It kicks my ass, but I love it.  And isn't that the point of cardio?  It's been a while since I've had to run to the bathroom for fear of throwing up all over myself...kinda want that feeling back.  Yes, I'm a weirdo.

Weigh-in Wednesday #28

This week the stars aligned when I stepped on the scale on Wednesday...thank you, Oya goddess of transformation, and Lord Ganesha, remover of obstacles, I am down 5.7 pounds this week.  Always amazing to lose a good chunk of weight, but this one in particular made me jump up and down.  I have lost a total of 101 pounds...okay, technically 100.8 pounds, but 101 sounds much better.  That little daruma whose eye I filled in in 2008 may get the other one filled in with a Sharpie sometime in 2013...it's been a long 5 years since I asked for his help with my weight loss journey...and this achievement makes me feel like I can go all the way to my final goal of 150 pounds down!  What's a measly 50 pounds, eh?  

Starting weight:  292.1

Ninja Jonathan and moi.

 
1st weigh-in:  286.8
2nd weigh-in:  280.1
3rd weigh-in:  276.4
4th weigh-in:  274.1
5th weigh-in:  270.6
6th weigh-in:  266.2
7th weigh-in:  262
8th weigh-in:  261.4
9th weigh-in:  257.7
10th weigh-in 251.4
11th weigh-in 247.3
12th weigh-in 243.6
13th weigh-in 241.7
14th weigh-in 235.4
15th weigh-in 235.4
16th weigh-in 227.7
17th weigh-in 223.5
18th weigh-in 223.5
19th weigh-in 221.6
20th weigh-in 221.6
21st weigh-in 215.6
22nd weigh-in 213.2
23rd weigh-in 207.9
24th weigh-in 206.6
25th weigh-in 200.1
26th weigh-in 199.7
27th weigh-in 197

28th weigh-in 191.3

And that, my friends, is all she wrote!  For now anyway.  

Good thing it's Camp Crystal Pool & Fitness Centre...and not Camp Crystal Lake!

Upon getting out of the car one morning (from time to time I bum a ride instead of walking or riding my bike...I know, sounds lazy...for me anyway) my husband makes a joke about dropping me off at day camp.  The sign on the door of the Crystal says Summer camps - meet in park.  And going to the gym, well, it's kinda like camp...fit camp...and no, I haven't graduated to bootcamp yet. 

Monday through Friday I go to the gym early in the morning with a backpack that is far too big for me, though it doesn't dwarf me like some of the bags on the other kids.  Inside, I have a packed lunch which is full of healthy snacks and, generally, a sammi that is prepared for me by someone other than myself...thank you to my darling husband.  I brown bag it so that I am not tempted by the vending machines that line the walls of the lobby.  The sign above says Stay Active Eat Healthy at the Crystal Pool & Fitness Centre.  From what I've seen in the halls of this rec centre, the sign does not deter small children from begging their parents for chips, candy, and chocolate, but then again...they can't read...so it's not their fault.  Dear parents, please think of your little ones and offer them an apple instead of the junk that they desire, you don't want them to end up like me (DISCLAIMER: My parents always offered apples, it was I who got addicted to junk food much later in life!)   At least if the kiddies are at the pool, they're active.  I myself currently suffer from episodic tantrums when I am not allowed to drink wine.  What?  I need wine, I gave up everything else I liked to ingest...and I am certainly active. 

Camp clown, nerd, and instigator...Suzie Spitfyre.

After entering the building, I check-in by swiping my card at the front desk....just in case there's a head count.  As you can probably imagine I have made many friends at the Crystal over the last 7 months; I know the administrators, the front desk peeps, the counsellors...erm...trainers, and some of the other kids...um...members.  Plays well with others - that's me.  I start my day at camp unsupervised (I know, it scares me too).  I run, ride, walk, dance, or skip my way through 1 or 2 hours of cardio, while my counsellor presides over everyone in the entire fitness centre (you know he's important because his shirt says FITNESS STAFF.) Occasionally, the ninja/counsellor/trainer/Jonathan comes over to talk to me, give me further instruction, or simply to punch me in the shoulder...it's okay, it just means he likes me.

On Tuesdays and Fridays, after my preliminary play time (i.e. sweating on some sort of cardio equipment) there's recess!  I eat my snack of fresh fruits, veggies, or puffed crispy rice things that come in chip flavours because I am an adult and I can read that sign in the lobby...and you don't what to see what kind of hissy fit I would throw if I didn't have a little dill, barbecue, salt 'n' vinegar, or sour cream and onion in my life.  

The ninja shares his wisdom...hiiiiyyyaaa!

My camp counsellor's name is Jonathan...and he pays me special attention on both of these days.  He makes me play fun games like Duck, Duck, Goose...no wait, it's called Stairs, Stairs, Burpees...and then you run back and forth with a 25 pound dumbbell in each hand...weird how I'm the only one playing though.  Sometimes he teaches me to fight, just in case things get out of control on the playground, I guess...I have a mean left hook, but I particularly enjoy the shin kicks.  We've done some skipping (never in the hallways as it's verboten...and there's a sign) but I can't seem to get it right...even when I sing: "Cinderella dressed in yella, went downtown to meet her fella!"  Truth be told, I think he makes things up as he goes along, and I like that, it keeps things interesting.  What I don't understand is why I keep getting time-outs!  Wall sit for a minute, plank for 45 seconds - Why am I being punished for doing everything he says!?

My week days at Camp Crystal Pool & Fitness Centre are filled with free athletics, recess, guided activities, and lunch.  And what do I do after breaking for a meal and before I go home?  Well, I get to play on the computer and write ridiculous nonsense like this.  Though all that I do at the moment seems like play, it has been and continues to be an unexpected and welcome education.  My counsellor has guided me through both physical and mental challenges with such care and attention that I don't think I'll ever be able to express my gratitude for all that he has done.  For me, summer camp has lasted for an entire 7 months, and I really don't want it to end...I'm simply not ready to go back to school.    

The 12 Trials of Suzie Spitfyre

January 22nd, 2013, Crystal Pool & Fitness Centre, my very first training session with the ninja.  Morning cardio:  20 minutes of stationary bike, 20 minutes of treadmill, and a further 20 minutes on the elliptical = Sweaty mess (Read about my 1st ninja workout here!)  Afternoon training:  1 hour of fitness testing - wall sit, sit and reach, push ups, planking, etc. = I think I'm gonna die.  Weight: 287 pounds...ish.

July 12th, 2013, Crystal Pool & Fitness Centre, was a brand spankin' new completely mental training session with the ninja.  Just when I think I'm getting good at this working out thing, he switches it up, and it's all Greek to me...again!  Morning cardio:  30 minute walk to the gym, 30 minutes of my running programme (walk 2, jog 2, run 1) on the treadmill followed by an attempted spin on the bike, until I admitted to being tired (and also a sweaty mess as always) and Jonathan told me to rest up and eat something...and now I know why.  Weight: 200 pounds..ish.

I have been told that the easier you sweat the better shape you are in, so I must be in REALLY good shape now.  I sweat a lot.  There is always an extra set of clothing (or two) in my rucksack, because the sweaty "V"s down the front of my t-shirts pictured in Sweat T-shirt Contest have snowballed into fully drenched articles of clothing...I'm talking shirts AND pants.  Seriously, you haven't survived a Suzie workout unless your pants are dripping into your shoes.  Ewwww...and awesome, at the same time.  If only I were wearing a chiton, then my elegant wet drapery would be fit for the pediment, metopes, or frieze of the Parthenon.  Alas, I am not adorned in Greek costume complete with diadem though sometimes my curls mat up in a rather Medusa-like way.     

When the ninja, or perhaps I should I call him the επιστάτης δούλων ("slave driver" in Greek), asked me what I had in my backpack that fateful Friday, I simply replied, "Clothes...and food...and boxing gloves (hey, you never know)...and wraps...and my biking shoes, and resealable plastic bags for wet clothes, obviously."  He promptly took me into the office (don't worry, I wasn't in trouble...at the moment), and began to dump my bag on the desk until he realised it wasn't his bag and then he gave it back to me.  So, I dumped it out and then we headed to the weight room.

In the weight room, he found two discs that equated 18 kilograms and promptly put them in my bag - who am I?  Herakles?  No.  We downsized slightly, I think to 30 or 25 pounds, and I put my bag on my back, adjusted the straps and started working out.  Yes, I ran stairs with approximately 32 percent of the weight that I have lost in said bag.  I ran stairs and alternated with burpees...and no, I'm not suing him because in the process I got smacked in the head by my backpack...which by the way is waaaaaay too big and though the straps tighten, and the belt works, the little clip that fastens around my chest that should secure the pack even further does NOT even function because of two very obvious reasons.  

After stairs and burpees x 5, many other strength and cardio exercises ensued.  Wearing my bag on the eliptical proved interesting, as did carrying an aditional 50 pounds of dumbells back and forth umpteen times.  Needless to say, I stayed true to tradition and sweated my arse off.  If only!  But, I'm getting there.  I did buy my first pair of size 14 jeans shortly after this hour long 12-trials-of-Heraklesesque workout.  Though, I did it because I knew it was good for me, and not because I had to atone for killing my sons because I was driven mad by my father's wife, Hera - look it up, Greek heroes aren't as heroic or squeaky clean as Disney portrays them.  And after this workout, neither was I!

Weigh-in Wednesday #15

I don't want to talk about this one.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

You know, I've never stalled on my way down to onederland (being under 200 pounds)...but on this day, I did.  I managed to workout like a crazy woman (ninja session, treadmill, walking, more walking, spinning, even more, more walking, ninja session, open water rowing, even more, more. more walking, elliptical, aerobics, more spinning, and walking again, even more spinning, and yoga) not to mention a 10K...and I lost NOTHING this week!  Nothing!  Perhaps having that post-race cocktail was not the best decision.

Starting weight:  292.1

See!  I worked out...and hard!

1st weigh-in:  286.8
2nd weigh-in:  280.1
3rd weigh-in:  276.4
4th weigh-in:  274.1
5th weigh-in:  270.6
6th weigh-in:  266.2
7th weigh-in:  262
8th weigh-in:  261.4
9th weigh-in:  257.7
10th weigh-in 251.4

11th weigh-in 247.3

12th weigh-in 243.6

13th weigh-in 241.7

14th weigh-in 235.4

15th weigh-in 235.4

How is this possible?

My Croatian conscience had an idea:

"Fet lady, you not so bad.  Would you like side of delusion with you wine?"

I know, I know...but I count my calories, I account for it!

My Croatian Conscience sides with the ninja on this one, alcohol is cheating.  It's not about counting calories, it's about fueling your body...and my body, obviously does not need more alcohol.

Hmmmph.  

Um...did I just sign up to be in a race?

Yes, I did!

A fortnight after the finale of the Times Colonist Health Challenge, there's this little thing called the TC10K.  This race in particular is the reason my Wednesday nights have involved power walking with the Crystal Fools, and I was sure...certain even...that participants in the Health Challenge would be forced to participate.  We weren't.  So, I embraced my new lifestyle and the free pass that Shannon had given me via email and signed myself, as well as my parents, up for the walk.  My darling husband, Stéphane, had already enrolled as part of his company's (Genivar) team in the competitive walking section.  If you've ever seen Stéffi on the treadmill at the Crystal Pool, you'll know why he's not in the pleasure category...the man is a machine!

So, what do you do the night before the big race?  Well, in most cases you would eat a good dinner, drink lots of water and go to bed early.  But not us, we had a birthday barbecue planned.  We were only supposed to stop in for a quick hello and a couple of drinks...and doesn't this always happen?  We stayed until 1 AM or something...where'd the time go?  Oh, I remember, we started to have fun talking to everyone at Ron's celebration that we kept bumping up our cut-off time.  Haha...and believe me, we paid for it the next day.

 5:30 AM - Wake-up, Ninja!

Up at the butt-crack of dawn after too little sleep...I got into the shower to wake myself up.  Threw on my stretchy clothing, and, slapped on some mascara, and put my hair in ponytails.  Stéphane did much the same...well, he had a shower...I think.  We both ate our respective race breakfasts and waited for the arrival of my folks.  The thing is...parking would have been killer downtown as many streets were blocked off, so we decided to meet at the loft and then walk to the starting line from there...a mere 2 kilometres away. What were we thinking?

7AM - Leave the Shimmy Shack.
 

7:30 AM - Crystal Fools warm-up in Thunderbird Park.  Yes, we did a mambo...Number 5, in fact...and there's video to prove it.  Everyone was raring to go, but a special few fools congratulated me on being the most improved person to have done the Health Challenge.  Thank you, guys. xoxox

7:45 AM - Muster in start area - Stéffi takes off to his place (the competitive hour and a halfers) and I have decided, in my infinite wisdom, that it'll take me and the folks at least 2 hours to complete the course...so mom, dad, and myself are hangin' with the stroller drivers and octogenarians.  Perhaps, I should have chosen differently?  We'll see.  Live and learn.

8AM - The elite runners cross the start line...and the rest of us follow!

8:10ish - We cross the start line...and there stands Shannon (of the TC) ringing her cowbell furiously!  I gotta have MORE COWBELL!  She cheers us on...and we're on our way towards Johnson.  Moving slowly at first, it's hard to navigate in a crowd of 13,000, but we managed to reach our stride.  

On Johnson...we encountered THE BEST signs in front of Body Dynamics (encouraging the racers)...these were some of my favourites:

GO, RANDOM STRANGER! GO!

WORST CROWD EVER! (because there were only about 10 people standing there..haha)

WHY DO ALL THE CUTE ONES RUN AWAY?

ARE YOU TIRED...BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN RUNNING THROUGH MY MIND ALL DAY!

WHAT KIND OF A PARADE IS THIS?  

On Johnson Street we reached the 1K sign, and I thought...wow, 9 more of these to go.  Better get a move on.  This is how it works for me, generally I take quite a while to get started...but in this case I knew I wasn't walking as fast as I had when I was with my Crystal Fool buddies.  Mom and dad are fast walkers, but I was just caught up in the excitement of it all...there were tones of people around and I was even slowing down to take pictures!  Haha...

When we hit Vancouver, a very special thing happened to me...a lovely curvy girl came up to me, and asked me if I was the girl from the Times Colonist Health Challenge.  I answered yes, of course, and she proceded to tell me that I had inspired her to get fit and healthy.  I'm only on kilometre 2 and I'm crying like a baby...this is not a good sign.

The entire time I was racing, I was also listening to my super workout playlist in one ear...I find it next to impossible to exercise without tunes...but in this case, I found in next to impossible to hear what my parents were saying with music being piped into one ear.  Haha...sorry guys!  The weather was just perfect as were the cherry blossoms through Fairfield.  And then the water station...where I could have downed about 7 times the amount I was handed, that's why I brought some with me in my giant spiky backpack.

Along the route, there were bands set up to entertain us and volunteers a plenty...as a Crystal Fool, I intended to run up and hug a volunteer and thank them, but I completely forgot.  Sad face.  One thing I did get to do was help a blind woman "see" my backpack.  As we pressed on against the heavy and chilly wind on Dallas Road a group from Pearson College were guiding a blind racer.  Apparently, the guide had been describing my backpack, and so asked if the blind woman could touch it...of course!  My grey, snake-skin, spiky packsack constantly sparks conversation on buses, in rec centres, and in general...so, I wasn't surprised when its spikes acted as descriptive braille.  And, wow...walking a 10K without sight, THAT is inspiring.

We walked, walked, walked and walked along the water until we hit the curve around Fisherman's Warf and past the park.  Nearly there, nearly there!  Random spectators cheering us on and telling us to push harder...so I burst into a jog.  What?  Yes, I did.  My mom and dad were still with me...walking strong...and my backpack was flapping around wildly, so I decided to break back into a walk, but before hitting the straight away to the finish line I told my parents that if they crossed over first, I would kill them.  Bad daughter.  And, in the excitement of it all I ran the last 10 feet and jumped over the finish line.  I even heard the announcer say, "And here comes Suzie Spitfyre!"  

Around 1 hour and 59 minutes after the very first person crossed over the starting line in the TC10K  - I finished the race, me..the fat chick...I just walked 10K!  And in 1 hour and 49 minutes, according to RaceDayTimer.com.

So now what?  I'm happy and sweaty and hungry!  Stéphane runs up and hugs me shortly after I finish.  He speed walked the race in 1 hour and 24 minutes, I'm so proud of him and my parents...and of myself.  And, so is he...he tells me so as we embrace.  Just after the finish line, there are juice boxes (juice punches...and I don't usually drink my calories, unless the fruit juice is gape, and those grapes are fermented), full fat yogourt (and I prefer fat-free, thank you very much), and several types of cookies (Really?  Okay, not everyone is as strict with their food as me).  I had the lesser of 3 evils...punch...because Ferris' Oyster Bar & Grill beckoned with après race brunch.  And by brunch, I mean oysters, and by oysters I mean raw, and by beckoned I mean I heard a champagne cocktail call my name.  Huge thank yous to the movers and shakers behind the scenes at Ferris' because they bent the rules and got me something that wasn't on the menu until 11:30 AM...well done, seasoned professionals, well done!   It just go to show that if you go somewhere and habitually order the world's most amazing deep fried oyster burger and fries with a mayo sampler for years and years, they might just make an exception, if you're really nice.  The experience was great, not only did we get the extremely intimate and dark booth at the back (which I now fit into quite comfortably), but the food was superb...if I were going to order brunch, may I recommend the Louisiana inspired poached eggs with chorizo on red beans and rice, it smelled deeelish!  And I know the 3 other parties at the table thoroughly enjoyed it.  Please tip your server generously.  The buzz in the restaurant was decidedly 10K.  All the diners in our section had run the course, and were excited, loud, and content...like us.

22 Days Later -  Here I am writing about this experience, and I'm so sorry not to have done so before...because what an amazing day it was.  Now I fear I have forgotten so many details.  Argh!  Such is life!  It gets in the way of true documentation.  Please kick my ass, dear reader!  Haha...