Inferno, Purgatorio, Paradiso (or Weigh-in Wednesday #3, Part 2 of the ongoing saga that is OMG...what if I don't have a pretty face?)

I woke up this morning just after 5.30AM without an alarm.  I lay in bed scrolling through various apps on my phone designed to help me.  For the last four years, these apps have indeed helped me...they have helped me feel bad about myself.  This morning, like last Wednesday and the Wednesday before that, I was too excited to fall back asleep.  Instead of rolling over and drifting off...I checked my exercise stats from the last week, I made sure I had inputted my latest meal in my food journal, and (even though I hadn't actually worked out yet) I put a very red, very large checkmark beside SUZIE CARDIO in my calendar.  The apps have finally started doing what they were intended to do...as I had also finally started doing what I intended to do.

Starting weight - Jan. 17th, 2020 - 285.4 pounds (115 days until my 45th birthday)

1st weigh-in - Jan. 22nd, 2020 - 281.3 pounds (-4.1 lbs)

2nd weigh-in - Jan. 29th, 2020 - 277.0 pounds (-4.3 lbs)
3rd weigh-in - Feb. 5th, 2020 - 273.7 pounds (-3.3lbs)

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

"Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven"

And gods know that I have had one hell of a lot of good intentions over the last four years.  I have set them, written about them, talked about them, and half-assedly gone through the motions.

In February of 2016, I wrote about how I had gained weight after knee surgery (2015) and then some more because of various dietary indiscretions/training delinquency.  That was three years into my weight loss journey, I was 187 pounds.  I was self-blaming for letting myself go while simultaneously trying to be all zen by letting go of blame and moving forward from a place of self-love.  Well, that was my intention anyway. 

Fast forward to January of 2017 or 2018, it doesn't really matter, it's a whole lot of the same thing.  Apparently, I was incredibly annoyed at being fat, and I wrote several repetitious blog posts about it.  I even mentioned my weight a couple times - in the upper 200s at that point.  That's a bit of progress - admitting that I had a problem, I mean.  It was a step...step one in some cases.  But, alas, instead of moving through the various other steps (of which there are generally twelve)...I just kept paving the road with idle hands.  Incidentally, paving a road is a seven-step process according to an asphalt pavement installation website I happened upon.  That's a difference of five whole steps - no wonder so many of us are choosing the easier route.  

Then something happened in 2019...well, late summer 2018 really.  I was tired of being ashamed, embarrassed, angry, and bitter, of avoiding things, of isolating myself, I was exhausted from all the procrastination, and the fear.  I was scared of who I'd become, and of what people thought of me.  I was afraid that I couldn't change my situation, and I was uncertain of my future while simultaneously dwelling in my past.  I was trapped in a hell of my own making, and I was doing absolutely nothing to rectify the situation...until I was.

In October 2018, I started walking.  I paid attention to my apps and my pedometer, and I got more active.  That month, I  ate healthy foods in appropriate portions, and I journaled it all.  Baby steps in the right direction.  308  pounds of baby at the beginning, mind you, but baby steps nonetheless.  It was the first time in a long time that I took a good hard look at all the roadwork I had done...and realised that the street I had been working on was two ways.  After pulling that U-ey, in February of 2019, I joined a gym, hired myself a personal trainer, and got ready to work my arse off.  I will call 2019 the year of "girding my loins," because it wasn't until January of 2020 that I was fully prepared to go into battle. 

C. S. Lewis once wrote, "you can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending."  I guess this is just the next chapter in my epic saga of going from biblical proportions to the Devil wearing Prada. 

Good morning, Weed Wacker!

I'm up, I'm up!  

Well, it appears to be that day in summer where the city sends people in orange suits to my front yard (or the grassy knoll directly in front of my building) to cull the overgrown grass, blackberry bushes, and other extremely dry vegetation.  Great in the prevention of wildfires, also great in the waking of Spitfyres.  

I know, they're allowed to start city works at 7:30 AM...but c'mon...can't I have another 5 minutes of sleep?!  

Oh, wait...my lovely husband has just produced a skinny latte and placed it down on my bedside table.  I suppose I can face the morning.  I'm just happy I didn't get out of bed and walk around the place nekkid as a jaybird only to find weed wacking workers looking up through my living room window in disbelief. 

It's been quite some time since I have put fingers to keyboard and tapped out a blog post...why is this?  Am I lacking in inspiration?!  Quite the opposite, I have many an unfinished manuscript...or at least there are posts suspended in cyberspace describing situations here and there that have hindered, helped, hijacked, and heartened my journey towards health and fitness...so what gives?!  Truth be told, I don't know.  Perhaps I have just fallen out of the habit of writing.  I certainly haven't lost my sense of humour about what goes on in my life...and I am always up for a good laugh, even if it is at my own expense.  Ha!  So, I will attempt to pick up where I left off.  And...that was all the way back in May...wow.

May was my birthday month...and the one good thing about getting older, is that I seem to be getting wiser, or perhaps become more of a wise-ass - you decide. 

Birthdays used to always mean a bit of reckless abandon when it came to diet and exercise, but this year I was determined that May would be different.  In the beginning, I made a conscious effort to cut back on portion sizes and to stop capitulating when I got a hankering for something savoury after dinner.  Must remember to not eat all of those peanuts in the fridge that are reserved for fancy salads and/or the popcorn on the shelf that ended up there because I finished the last of the kernels and then my lovely husband replaced it with a whole new batch!  Seriously, I need a locked cupboard that only opens when a recipe requires it to, and not if I get peckish before or after dinner.  Also, must remember to eat enough throughout the day so that I don't mindlessly eat dry ingredients in the pantry out of sheer desperation...dry soy beans, I'm looking at you.  Seriously.

So how'd my May go?  Well, pretty much the same way the first 4 months of the year have gone...it's been a bit of a bumpy road, but I'm learning to ride out the rough spots.  And...most of the time?  I was comfortable in the saddle.

Starting weight - January 16th, 2013 - 294lbs
53rd weigh-in - January 22th, 2014 - 151.8lbs

54th weigh-in - January 29th, 2014 - 144.3lbs

55th weigh-in - February 5th, 2014 - 154.8lbs

56th weigh-in - February 12th, 2014 - 146.1lbs

57th weigh-in - February 19th, 2014 - 143.7lbs

58th weigh-in - February 26th, 2014 - 145.7lbs

59th weigh-in - March 5th, 2014 - 141.4lbs

60th weigh-in - March 12th, 2014 - 145.1lbs

61st weigh-in - March19th, 2014 - 149.4lbs

62nd weigh-in - March  26th, 2014 - 143.3lbs

63rd weigh-in - April 2nd, 2014 - 147.1lbs

64th weigh-in - April 9th, 2014 - 147.4lbs

65th weigh-in - April 16th, 2014 - 140.7lbs

66th weigh-in - April 23rd, 2014 - 141lbs

67th weigh-in - April 30th, 2014 - 149.3lbs

68th weigh-in - May 7th, 2014 - 144.1lbs

And the weigh-in after my birthday week?  

69th weigh-in - May 14th, 2014 - 140.5lbs

140.5 pounds!?  That's a bloody miracle because after weigh-in Wednesday #68, I headed to Vancouver for a couple days away with the folks.  How did I approach eating and exercising in a different city without my "normal" routine?!  Well, I tried to get in at least 3 square a day and walked all over town for cardio.  Despite eating at Vij's, downing a cocktail or two whilst on "vacation," and eating mini cupcakes for breakfast on my birthday, skipping lunch in order to clean the loft, and having wine for dinner that night, I survived.  And, lost 3.6 pounds...woot...back to 140 point something!

Happy Birthday to me.

But that was then...and this is now.  So how am I faring at this point in time?!  I don't want to talk about it.  But, I also don't want to make excuses and gripe about how I have gone back to work and it's harder to find time to exercise now that I'm back to being gainfully employed...because it's not been the exercise that's been the problem.  It's been the food.  In fact, making excuses as to why it is impossible to get off the couch and head to the gym, is just that...and excuse, and I haven't got time for those.  I haven't really slipped on the exercise thing, still working out with the ninja (Jonathan Carpenter of MIJO Sport) twice a week and still heading to the gym 5-6 days a week with other activities thrown in...one of my favourites being yoga with Taryn Strong.  Om.  

And, speaking of om...as in "om nom nom"... that's what I have been doing a lot of lately.  

It is said that to achieve a healthy weight it is 20% exercise and 80% diet...and I believe it.  It doesn't make a difference how much I exercise if my food choices thwart my weight loss efforts.  That is not to say that a distinction should be made between acceptable and unacceptable foods, but that I, Miss Spitfyre, need to rein it in a little  Oh summer, not only do you come with weed-wacking-workers, but you also bring with you backyard barbeques, burgers n' buns, and a whole lotta beer.