Yay! Homework.

I am a nerd.  If you know me, then you know this to be true.  

I like school and learning, I like raising my hand and participating.  I will always aspire to be an A+ student, and I am not thrilled when I get anything less.  So when the #allgooddays ladies were given some homework, I was all about it.

We all have different reasons for signing up, we all have different backgrounds, situations, abilities, mentalities, and goals.  As I scroll through the introductions everyone has written, I am inspired, motivated, and come to the realisation that I am not alone.  I have spent the last 8 months trying to jump back on the wagon (oohhh...I hope it's the bandwagon!  SEE: another blog post about how fun that would be!), I have not been comfortable in my skin, my head, or the world really.  I've been closing myself off and losing myself in the process.  I should have listened to my mother, she told me to get out and surround myself with people.  Easier said than done.  Anyway, homework...and community, that is what I am supposed to be talking about.  Michele gave us an assignment as part of our commitment ceremony(?), and though I don't know any of these other women, they are my tribe.  United in our quest to live our best lives.  This community is all about action...we will quit, start, visit, accept, honour, make, see, learn, give, eat, have, be, act, grow, invent...and if I may add my own verb IMPROVE our lives in the process.

Day 2 of January badassery.  Day 2 of my commitment to the #allgooddays challenge, and day 11 (feels like one million) of this cold.  I have no energy, I am coughing up a storm, and I have about 11 million 30 day challenge exercises to complete because of my level of enthusiasm yesterday.  Honestly, I feel like a push-up may make my head explode.  Can I delay for one more day without it sounding like an excuse?  I WILL NOT QUIT.  But, I may actually need to rest a bit...and keep eating a clean diet with lots of fluids.

Now, does anyone know the calorie count for cough syrup?

No seriously...are we talking like 35 per tablespoon or what?

#ALLGOODDAYS

If I weren't dying of whatever plague this is going around Victoria (and more specifically in that little dark cloud over my head that has been following me around for the better part of 9 days), I would most likely have posted more today than in all of 2016...but that didn't happen because I was in bed or resting or coughing so hard I thought my head would explode.  So I'm behind, but I can catch up.

Also, I joined a #allgooddays challenge.  I was impulsive and thought I should throw 50 dollars at accountability, and my former employee's mother (I wonder if she remembers me), because, like the foundation of all great ideas, I saw something about it on Facebook. 

Those of you who don't know my history, here it is in a nutshell:

I have struggled with my weight for the better part of 20 years.  And have lost and gained what seems like a thousand pounds.  And most recently I was a superstar health challenge participant, and then I wasn't....and I lost my ninja...and now I am fat and am getting stuck in sports bras again.  This challenge is the reclamation of my badassery, if you will.

2013 - 294 pounds, blah blah blah health challenge, ninja-in-training, popped ACL

2014 - 139 pounds, blah blah blah health challenge mentor, n-in-t, reconstructed ACL 

2015 - 165 pounds, blah blah blah h.c. mentor part 2, ninja-in-training, with & without ninja

2016 - 200 pounds, blah blah blah ninja-on-and-off, belt test injury, no more ninja

2017 - 250 pounds, blah blah blah work, home, food, wine, repeat, sleep, sleep, sleep...

2018 - 286 pounds, blah blah blah I gotta do something about this.  Again.

And today, I updated all the apps, tweaked the fitbits, unboxed the runners, squeezed into the sausage casing I call pants, threw on a Star Wars T-shirt, and donned a hoodie, and did a grocery shop for all the foods that when put into my fridge will really just be ingredients.  Even if I lack energy because of the pox placed on my house...I can't wait to kick this challenge's ass...and my own in the process.

And go!

Elephant relativism.

I have always had very good memory.  I remember random things that happened in high school a million years ago, and I'll also remember what everyone was wearing when it happened.  Stored in the deepest recesses of my mind are completely obscure facts about ancient mythology from my years of studying Classics at Concordia University, modern cooking techniques learned by watching far too much Food Network, horticulture for balconies and window boxes via my mother, and strangely almost all of the lyrics to arbitrary songs from the 1990s.  That's how my memory works...like an elephant, I remember things.

So why, oh why, did I forget what it was like to be fat?

Since the crunchy, poppy kneeness of June 2016, I have been eating and drinking myself into my former state of being.  And I seem to have lost all recollection of how difficult it was to be overweight, and dare I admit this, obese.

The last time I was fairly regular with my workouts (other than going to taekwondo class) was in the autumn and winter of 2015.  While visiting family in Montréal, I made arrangements to work out with friends, find a gym, find a yoga studio, and try and counteract the damage I was doing by eating out and drinking daily - and may I add, that I cheated a few times when it came to food on my trip, but I was pretty good about choosing healthy options.  I was something like 170 pounds, and though I was annoyed that my weight had gone up...I remained confident and happy. 

When I got back from Montréal, I started working a lot more regularly, and so I made sure to hit the gym before my shifts.  At that point, I had joined the "5AM Club," and I managed to do at least an hour of cardio before getting gussied up to work the floor as a painter of faces.  After Christmas break, I was off to Hawaii - I had gained a further 10 pounds, but it wasn't the end of the world, and there would be walking, exploring, hiking, swimming etc.  Not to worry.  Still content with life, I was in Hawaii, and there were all kinds of bodies out and about.  Not at all concerned about my "beach body," I was just thrilled to hit the poke bars and body surf at Magic Sands daily.  Good times.

1 definition of relativism

1. a theory that knowledge is relative to the limited nature of the mind and the conditions of knowing    

So what is elephant relativism?!  The further away I am from a state of being, the less I remember what it was like to live that way.  Which can be blissful or incredibly difficult.  The problem (and elephant part) is, recently my memory has been jogged...the first time I have jogged in 2017, in fact.

Things I forgot about being obese:

• Always waking up in the wet spot (from night sweats, get your mind out of the gutter)
• Shaving various parts of your body involves rigorous effort and training in contortion
• Sometimes towels don't fit
• Getting yourself into a bra is an intricate mix of origami and optimism (and you still get double boob, side boob, under boob)
• Dress code is always back, with a generous helping of loose and leggings
• Being overly effected by anxiety and depression  
• Low self esteem and a lack of confidence
• The cycle of binge eating
• Hopelessness

 

Wow, that turned pretty serious pretty fast.  But, right now, it's how I feel.  I am a hopeless, binge eating 250 pound woman who is again suffering from anxiety and depression which is leading to a lack of confidence and self esteem.  I have 3 outfits, none of which I like.  I would like to take off an article of clothing without being marked by it, and I would also like to sweat at appropriate times.  Don't worry, I also remember other things... 

Things I remember about being fit:

• Hitting the gym in the morning before I had a chance to think about it or change my mind, and then sometimes doubling up at night
• Getting an endorphin rush part way into my workout and really enjoying the process 
• Constantly being sweaty (whether at the gym or on the dance floor)
• Drinking insane amounts of water and being satisfied by smaller portions or healthy foods
• There will always be boob origami (when they are smaller they still need to be folded into shape), it's a process
• Being able to express myself through my outfits
• Endless energy to do things
• Feeling that there are no obstacles that cannot be overcome
• Realisation of goals
• Positivity

It's pretty obvious which state of being is my preferred truth.  Though not necessarily mutually exclusive whilst experiencing the in-between, the latter is a much better option for which to strive.  Going forward, I will mindfully go through the process of transforming myself so as not to lose track of where I came from and where I want to go.  Ideally, be more like an elephant in mind, to be less like one in body.

All hail the new TIMES COLONIST HEALTH CHALLENGE PARTICIPANTS 2015 (of which Stéphane is not one.)

The Times Colonist Health Challenge changed my life and subsequently changed the life of my husband.  In 2013, he hopped on board the health and fitness bandwagon with me and thereafter got a gym membership at the Crystal Pool & Fitness Centre to support me.  He ate the meals I prepared, honoured my extensive new rules...such as, "No junk food in the house!"  Stéffi put up with my griping about delayed onset muscle soreness and being hungry all the time.  And, without too much effort except for the grueling workouts he set for himself at least 3 times a week and our almost nightly walks through Victoria, he lost weight.  He started 2013 at 217 pounds and by April he was down to a svelte 187 or so...he continued to lose, as I did, and managed to lose 40 pounds in the time it took me to lose 100.  He was the perfect partner in crime, not only did he back me mentally, but he also took on the responsibility of assisting me financially.  Throughout my weight loss he congratulated my success, but reminded me that it never really mattered how much I weighed because he had always loved me and would continue to love me no matter what the future had in store.  That's just the kind of guy he is.  Insert "AWWWWW" here.

In theory, the 2013 Health Challenge afforded me 2 fitness assessments complete with skin fold tests (before and after the 3 months), a basal metabolic reading, a personal trainer twice a week for 12 weeks (though I saw Jonathan much more than that), 2 nutritional consults with a dietitian, a group session and a one-on-one with a psychologist/mental coach, and a free pair of sneakers - a prize valued at over $2000.  Of course, there was also the accountability that comes with being featured from time to time in the paper - priceless!  That, my friends, was a pretty good deal considering I was off work on unpaid medical leave (I'll share that story with y'all later, it's a doozy).

After the Health Challenge was over for me...I kept going, kept up with my training sessions with the MIJO Sport ninja twice a week, did at least an hour of morning cardio 6 days a week, and supplemented with once or twice weekly yoga and taekwondo classes.  I dedicated pretty much a year and a half of my life to getting fit and healthy.  And so did the man of the house, Stéphane.  But, it wasn't only about getting into shape for me (and the weight loss that came from all that exercise and healthy eating), but it was about getting well-conditioned, mentally and physically.  Over the course of a year, I regularly saw my family doctor, had a session with a psychiatrist, attended the Eating Disorders Programme weekly, went to my usual physio appointments, and pretty much took the best care of myself ever...full stop.  Fabulous for me, not so fabulous for my partner-in-crime.  Stéphane went a year and a half paying for absolutely everything.  He took no vacations nor could he spend his money frivolously as he was now the only bread winner in the family (mmmmm bread).  How do you pay a man back for that?  Well, I can tell you how I tried.    

I have always been proud and will always be proud of Stéphane.  He is fun, hilarious, enthusiastic, handsome, goofy, clever, artsy, and a bunch of other adjectives as well.  I have always seen him as "L'homme de ma vie" - he and I are true kindred spirits...so how do I reciprocate?  Well, hopefully my clever writing could do something, especially now when I am again on an unpaid medical leave (because of ACL replacement surgery).  I decided I would fill in an application, on his behalf, to be a participant in the TC Health Challenge.  This is what I wrote:

My name is Stéphane Gagnon.  I am a mild-mannered project technician for a local company by day:  I get up way too early in the dark, drive to work with a brown-bagged lunch, and begin my coffee drinking.  I come home (again in the dark) after 8 hours of sitting in front of a computer and have every intention of going to the gym.  Sometimes I make it, sometimes I don't.  Sometimes I just drive my wife to and from.  And if that's the case, I know I can get away with eating 2 packs of ramen for dinner before I have to pick her up.  I like noodles...a lot.  Almost as much as I like poutine.  This is what my weekdays look like, for the most part. 

Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad life.  But, I feel like I need more...where's my energy, vitality, and joie de vivre?  

Enter the weekends.

Come Friday?  Well, I shuffle off this weekday mortal coil and become Deejay Cheeky Tiki - a garage punk spinner with an encyclopaedic knowledge of music that you don't even know you like yet.  Or I pick up my pen and paper and step into the role of Stéffi G - a drawer of pictures and writer of words for my own form of "bande dessinée" - I like to think of it as graphic poetry.  I read voraciously, I get up early on Saturdays and Sundays to sit on the couch with the cat and pour over the countless novels I have stashed in my E-reader.  And then, batteries charged and healthy breakfast eaten, I hit the gym.  I attack the treadmill, the elliptical, I do sit-ups, and push-ups.  I give it my all.  I return from the gym high on endorphins and ready to conquer the world!  I need more of that in my life.

I am the everyman.  I am 47 years old, 5'7", and about 207 pounds, which means I have about 50 pounds to lose, but don't most people?  When I look at myself in the mirror, I see a keg and not a 6-pack and as much as I like beer, I know that has to change for my life to be healthy and happy.  I have it in me to transform from fat to fit, I am determined.  After all, I lost 100 pounds years ago going from obese to manorexic in a matter of months.  But this time, I want to do it right.  I want to eat clean and train dirty, as my wife calls it.  I need the accountability, the resources, the community, and the guidance that the TC Health Challenge provides - I know the effects this challenge has on its participants first-hand, and I want in!  I had a supporting role a couple years ago in HC 2013, but 2015 is my time to audition for something bigger than back stage!  

Guess I should use my stage name for this one.

"Good afternoon.  My name is Stéffi Spitfyre and I will be auditioning for the role of 'Health Challenge participant 2015.'" 

In my experience, the Health Challenge is what you make it.  Stéffi wasn't chosen, and he didn't expect to be, he told me later.  Simply put, he didn't think he had enough to lose.  Don't most middle-aged men have a few pounds to drop?  I guess that doesn't make for as interesting a story, or does it?  We'll see.  In the weeks that follow, I'll post updates on Stéffi's progress...because, frankly, a lot of us out there are challenged with losing around 40ish pounds, and it isn't easier because the number is smaller.  Sometimes it's harder, it's easier to take more liberties when you are faced with a smaller amount.  I buckled down and lost 150 odd pounds in just under a year and a half, but trying to lose the last 10 pounds was the hardest, and it's easy to get complacent.  My husband has regained the 40 pounds that he lost in 2013, and I am currently 20 pounds up from my lowest weight in June of 2014 - in the next 3 months, we will embrace the spirit of the challenge and commit to being losers again.

Let the countdown begin!

I was born without an OFF switch...

Or a STOP button....and I'm not even sure that I even have PAUSE.  

This is a bit of a problem when it comes to working, talking, fitness, eating, drinking, and well, pretty much everything.  

For example...when I'm at work, I blow through breaks and keep painting faces and helping people long after my shift has finished...I should really wear a watch, but I just get so stuck into what I do, I keep going.  Same goes for talking, I go on and on and absolutely revel in conversation - especially good chats with old friends or new friends that have strong opinions or just anyone who enjoys life and shooting the breeze - dinner parties fly by, as do 3 hour phone calls to Montréal.  As for fitness, well, I go all out on that to, when I have a day that I can dedicate to working out, it's not unusual for me to bike to my ninja training, workout with my ninja personal trainer, have a little break and a snack, do a MIJO bootcamp for an hour, then bike home...only to return to yet another gym later that evening to kick pads with a bunch of other taekwondo aficionados.  Obviously, eating and drinking are the same...when I'm hungry, I eat (sometimes the wrong things and too much) and when I'm thirsty I drink  (also sometimes the wrong things and too much), and I cook and experiment and bake and enjoy restaurants and bars.  I am not a half-asser, when I do something, I always use my full ass.
 
So, when I busted my ACL in taekwondo over a year ago and every doctor I spoke to said SURGERY...I may have freaked out, just a little bit.  Okay, no...there is no such thing as a little bit.  I fully freaked out (full-assed) - I cried, had a hissy fit, I went silent, I retreated into the dark recesses of my mind, and I panicked.  How could I take time off?  I have a schedule!  I have been working out up to 6 days a week most weeks and following an online eating plan that has me logging everything that goes in my mouth...even the junk...and since June, I've been struggling...bouncing up and down in the 140s and then settling back into the 150s.  Which isn't the end of the world, I may have actually even accepted the fact that my body is more comfortable a little heavier.  Shock!  Horror!  But, give up exercise?!  NO WAY!  How will I be able to de-stress if I can't hit the treadmill and rock out a run with my favourite workout mix blaring in my ears?  I can't just turn off, I can't hit stop...not even pause.  And then the date was set for surgery.  November 25th, 2014.

My injury occurred October 2013, initial diagnosis with sports medicine doctor was in November of 2013, and I finally saw the orthopaedic surgeon in February of 2014, so in June when I was informed surgery would be in November, it seemed so far off that I just put it out of my mind.  And like so many other things, November just crept up on me.  At 3 months until surgery, I vowed to make a concerted effort to get in the best shape of my life...I even searched online for a 90 day whiteboard calendar.  Then again at 2 months until my reconstruction I "recommitted" to getting into shape.  At 6 weeks out, I did the same, then 4 weeks, 3, 2, and 1...same deal.  Good intentions all of them, and I don't know whether it was fear of surgery that led me to eat the occasional bag of Doritos or hot dog, but for some reason, my eating was way off, though my gym time was not.  I still stress eat, even after all this time.  Like I said, I don't have an off switch...or a pause button...so I kept training like an athlete.  Faced with the impending hospital time, I tried to get rid of the negative and indulged in good exercise, splurged on nutritious food, and let go of the doubts in my mind.  What does my yoga teacher call it?!  Self-care.  I tried that out for a change.

Going into surgery I had a certain confidence about me.  After coming out of a very good week of clean eating, optimal exercise, and just enough rest to prepare my body and mind for a routine but fairly involved operation, I took a deep breath, pressed pause...and a little voice in my head told me, "Everything is going to be fine."

And it was.

Stuck in reruns...

Though a lot has happened in the last few weeks, I feel like I've been stuck on repeat.  Obviously, this blog is dedicated to my health and fitness journey...so why, oh why, do I rerun my least favourite episodes?!  The ones normal viewers would glance at and then change the channel in favour of something a bit more exciting, fresh, edgy.

It's December 1st and I haven't blogged in over 2 months...it's almost like last season's programming went a little downhill and I'm trying to come up with an exciting fall opener that will have people raving about the clever writers that must have been hired to keep the show alive, even in it's umpteenth season.

I have also come to the realisation that this programme may not be about weight.  I am already the Biggest Loser, I have completed the Taking If Off component of this performance, and as the TC Health Challenge concluded in April of 2013 - the Celebrity Weight Loss component has certainly come to a close.  Now, for those that want to see some reality TV...despite how terrible it is...let me rerun my Weigh-In Wednesdays for the last few months. 

Starting weight - January 16th, 2013 - 294lbs

53rd weigh-in - January 22th, 2014 - 151.8lbs

54th weigh-in - January 29th, 2014 - 144.3lbs

55th weigh-in - February 5th, 2014 - 154.8lbs

56th weigh-in - February 12th, 2014 - 146.1lbs

57th weigh-in - February 19th, 2014 - 143.7lbs

58th weigh-in - February 26th, 2014 - 145.7lbs

59th weigh-in - March 5th, 2014 - 141.4lbs

60th weigh-in - March 12th, 2014 - 145.1lbs

61st weigh-in - March19th, 2014 - 149.4lbs

62nd weigh-in - March  26th, 2014 - 143.3lbs

63rd weigh-in - April 2nd, 2014 - 147.1lbs

64th weigh-in - April 9th, 2014 - 147.4lbs

65th weigh-in - April 16th, 2014 - 140.7lbs

66th weigh-in - April 23rd, 2014 - 141lbs

67th weigh-in - April 30th, 2014 - 149.3lbs

68th weigh-in - May 7th, 2014 - 144.1lbs 

69th weigh-in - May 14th, 2014 - 140.5lbs

And this is where I left you...fortunately, my programme continued over the summer hiatus...but wasn't aired because of a writer's strike.

 

It was shortly after this weigh-in that our protagonist returned to work.  After a year and a half of living the life health and fitness, credit card bills and reality forced her back into the rat race.  If only it were a race, she would have ribboned for sure.

70th weigh-in - May 21st, 2014 - 143.3lbs

71st weigh-in - May 28th, 2014 - 144.3lbs 

72nd weigh-in - June 4th, 2014 - 157.8lbs 

73rd weigh-in - June 11th, 2014 - 141.3lbs 

After moving from a management role and into an artist's position with her cosmetics company, Spitfyre was excited to show off all her hard work by donning a kick-ass outfit and making a guest appearance at a training session in Vancouver.

74th weigh-in - June 18th, 2014 - 138.7lbs

On her 74th weigh-in, Spitfyre came the closest she had ever come to reaching her elusive goal weight.  After 18 months of clean eating and training dirty, she celebrated her success in Vancouver with her Croatian Conscience.  

75th weigh-in - June 25th, 2014 - 143.9lbs

76th weigh-in - July 2nd, 2014 - 148.8lbs

Success has it's consequences, after getting so close to her goal, Spitfyre indulged in old habits...

 

77th weigh-in - July 9th, 2014 - 150.3lbs

78th weigh-in - July 16th, 2014 - 153.3lbs

79th weigh-in - July 23rd, 2014 - 157.1lbs

80th weigh-in - July 30th, 2014 -  149.4lbs

81st weigh-in - August 6th, 2014 - 150.4lbs

82nd weigh-in - August 13th, 2014 - 153.3lbs

83rd weigh-in - August 20th, 2014 - 155.3lbs

84th weigh-in - August 27th, 2014 - 155.3lbs

85th weigh-in - September 3rd, 2014 - 161.9lbs

86th weigh-in - September 10th, 2014 - 154.2lbs

87th weigh-in - September 17th, 2014 - 163.6lbs

88th weigh-in - September 24th, 2014 - 154.4lbs

89th weigh-in - October 1st, 2014 - 152lbs

90th weigh-in - October 8th, 2014 - 150.8lbs

91st weigh-in - October 15th, 2014 - 156lbs

92nd weigh-in - October 22nd, 2014 - 149.2lbs

93rd weigh-in - October 29th, 2014 - 152.9lbs

94th weigh-in - November 5th, 2014 -156.7lbs

95th weigh-in - November 12th. 2014 - 154.7lbs

96th weigh-in - November 19th, 2014 - 156lbs

Twenty weeks of reruns.  Up, down, up, down, up, down, up up, down down, same, down, up, this show is getting pretty boring, I hope I don't get cancelled.  Of course, that's up to me, isn't it?!?  Not the cancelled thing, the boring bit.  I need some more inspiration, I need to find my audience again, I need to stop my daytime soap opera saga and get back into writing dark comedy, drama, and sitcoms.  

I never understood why people watch soap operas.  The pace is so slow, something afforded to a daily programme.  At least with weeklies, you see the episode and look forward to the next one.  And time passes, but you're not witness to the mundane details of the characters' existence.  The writers are lazy, but you can be when you are writing about the day to day minutia of life.  Interest builds when you have an economy of air time, how do you tell the story completely in one hour a week?  You need to be clever.  If it's a serial, you have most likely established your characters and their back stories and you can focus on events and situations that intrigue, humour, and excite the viewer.  So that's what I'm going to do...start this season with a bang! 

Confessions of a foodaholic...

My name is Suzie Spitfyre and...after all this time (68 weigh-ins!)...I am still a food addict.

Starting weight - January 16th, 2013 - 294lbs  
53rd weigh-in - January 22th, 2014 - 151.8lbs

54th weigh-in - January 29th, 2014 - 144.3lbs

55th weigh-in - February 5th, 2014 - 154.8lbs

56th weigh-in - February 12th, 2014 - 146.1lbs

57th weigh-in - February 19th, 2014 - 143.7lbs

58th weigh-in - February 26th, 2014 - 145.7lbs

59th weigh-in - March 5th, 2014 - 141.4lbs

60th weigh-in - March 12th, 2014 - 145.1lbs

61st weigh-in - March19th, 2014 - 149.4lbs

62nd weigh-in - March  26th, 2014 - 143.3lbs

63rd weigh-in - April 2nd, 2014 - 147.1lbs

64th weigh-in - April 9th, 2014 - 147.4lbs

65th weigh-in - April 16th, 2014 - 140.7lbs

66th weigh-in - April 23rd, 2014 - 141lbs

67th weigh-in - April 30th, 2014 - 149.3lbs

68th weigh-in - May 7th, 2014 - 144.1lbs

After losing 5.2lbs this week...and the mandatory happy dance that comes with...I looked back over my food journals to see why I had such a gain the week before.  I knew I'd taken in a lot more refined carbs in the last few weeks than usual, but what else was going on?  I'll tell you.  Denial.  

And here I thought I was just indulging a little bit, turns out it was a bit more than a bit.  So I scrolled back through weeks of online food and exercise journals (my exercise has remained consistent BTW) only to see that, yes...I'd been overdoing it in the food department...and for the most part, getting away with it.  Month after month I was eating healthy nutritious food during the week and then indulging on weekends or special nights out.  Oftentimes, imbibing alcohol lead to a loss of resolve to eat healthily and liberties were taken in the form of potato chips, yaki soba, and ginger cookies.   

Interesting.

Check it out, my first real binge on junk food (since starting this whole thing on January 16th, 2013) was Superbowl Sunday, and February 5th to the 11th is the last week that I ate only nutritious food and stuck to my portion sizes without going over my quota calorie-wise.

54th weigh-in - January 29th, 2014 - 144.3lbs - The week before Super Bowl Sunday

55th weigh-in - February 5th, 2014 - 154.8lbs - Popped up 10.5 pounds 56th weigh-in - February 12th, 2014 - 146.1lbs - 1 week of controlled clean eating and exercise, and the result is a loss of  8.7 pounds.

And then here's this past week compared to the previous 2 weeks...

66th weigh-in - April 23rd, 2014 - 141lbs - I went up a bit from the week before, but no big deal (less than a pound)
67th weigh-in - April 30th, 2014 - 149.3lbs - See what happens when I over eat and over drink?
68th weigh-in - May 7th, 2014 - 144.1lbs - Re-visited portion sizes, didn't skip any meals, didn't over drink, and voilà...lost 5.2 of the 8.3 I gained the previous week.  I'm cool with that.

Let's talk denial now.  How is it possible that I haven't looked back and compared my last week to week before and to the week before that etc.?  Maybe I couldn't face what was written out there in cyberspace...or, I am a good Buddhist and I followed what I wrote about on Saturday, February 15th. 2014:

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."

I would like to think it's the latter, rather than the former...but it may just be a bit of both.  And, here's the thing, it doesn't really matter.  The point is, I know what I've done, and I know where I'm going.  And right now, I'm just loving life...I just have to learn to not celebrate it with copious amounts of food and wine.  That way history will not repeat itself.