Forget about hiding the evidence...

I can find it.  Always.

In fact, last night, I ate and drank the evidence.  In my attempt to rid my cupboards and fridge of all things unhealthy, I ended up consuming them.  Luckily, there wasn't that much.  A few chippies, a bit of soda pop, and some veggies that had an unmeasured spray of olive oil on them.  Not the end of the world.  Well, and that bottle of wine that was on the shelf.

What was that my Croatian conscience was saying about not wasting my calories on wine?  Well, I assure you...they were not wasted.  They were delicious. 

And at one point he was looking in my fridge and commenting on how I only had ingredients in in there and no "real" food food.  So there.  I think they cancel each other out.

Confessions of a foodaholic...

My name is Suzie Spitfyre and...after all this time (68 weigh-ins!)...I am still a food addict.

Starting weight - January 16th, 2013 - 294lbs  
53rd weigh-in - January 22th, 2014 - 151.8lbs

54th weigh-in - January 29th, 2014 - 144.3lbs

55th weigh-in - February 5th, 2014 - 154.8lbs

56th weigh-in - February 12th, 2014 - 146.1lbs

57th weigh-in - February 19th, 2014 - 143.7lbs

58th weigh-in - February 26th, 2014 - 145.7lbs

59th weigh-in - March 5th, 2014 - 141.4lbs

60th weigh-in - March 12th, 2014 - 145.1lbs

61st weigh-in - March19th, 2014 - 149.4lbs

62nd weigh-in - March  26th, 2014 - 143.3lbs

63rd weigh-in - April 2nd, 2014 - 147.1lbs

64th weigh-in - April 9th, 2014 - 147.4lbs

65th weigh-in - April 16th, 2014 - 140.7lbs

66th weigh-in - April 23rd, 2014 - 141lbs

67th weigh-in - April 30th, 2014 - 149.3lbs

68th weigh-in - May 7th, 2014 - 144.1lbs

After losing 5.2lbs this week...and the mandatory happy dance that comes with...I looked back over my food journals to see why I had such a gain the week before.  I knew I'd taken in a lot more refined carbs in the last few weeks than usual, but what else was going on?  I'll tell you.  Denial.  

And here I thought I was just indulging a little bit, turns out it was a bit more than a bit.  So I scrolled back through weeks of online food and exercise journals (my exercise has remained consistent BTW) only to see that, yes...I'd been overdoing it in the food department...and for the most part, getting away with it.  Month after month I was eating healthy nutritious food during the week and then indulging on weekends or special nights out.  Oftentimes, imbibing alcohol lead to a loss of resolve to eat healthily and liberties were taken in the form of potato chips, yaki soba, and ginger cookies.   

Interesting.

Check it out, my first real binge on junk food (since starting this whole thing on January 16th, 2013) was Superbowl Sunday, and February 5th to the 11th is the last week that I ate only nutritious food and stuck to my portion sizes without going over my quota calorie-wise.

54th weigh-in - January 29th, 2014 - 144.3lbs - The week before Super Bowl Sunday

55th weigh-in - February 5th, 2014 - 154.8lbs - Popped up 10.5 pounds 56th weigh-in - February 12th, 2014 - 146.1lbs - 1 week of controlled clean eating and exercise, and the result is a loss of  8.7 pounds.

And then here's this past week compared to the previous 2 weeks...

66th weigh-in - April 23rd, 2014 - 141lbs - I went up a bit from the week before, but no big deal (less than a pound)
67th weigh-in - April 30th, 2014 - 149.3lbs - See what happens when I over eat and over drink?
68th weigh-in - May 7th, 2014 - 144.1lbs - Re-visited portion sizes, didn't skip any meals, didn't over drink, and voilà...lost 5.2 of the 8.3 I gained the previous week.  I'm cool with that.

Let's talk denial now.  How is it possible that I haven't looked back and compared my last week to week before and to the week before that etc.?  Maybe I couldn't face what was written out there in cyberspace...or, I am a good Buddhist and I followed what I wrote about on Saturday, February 15th. 2014:

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."

I would like to think it's the latter, rather than the former...but it may just be a bit of both.  And, here's the thing, it doesn't really matter.  The point is, I know what I've done, and I know where I'm going.  And right now, I'm just loving life...I just have to learn to not celebrate it with copious amounts of food and wine.  That way history will not repeat itself.

Congratulations, it's a food baby!

Sushi Spitfyre

My tummy.  My stomach has been relatively flat (considering all the excess skin) for the last few months...but lately, I have noticed something.  Something that happens after a big meal or after a weekend of indulging...the food baby.  I remember when girls at MAC would complain about their "food babies" and I would have no idea what they were talking about, except for now.  You see, at 294 pounds, if you eat a big meal, there's no way to notice any sort of difference in your physique...other than the mild discomfort that comes with overeating.  Now, I get it.  When I have larger portions, or if I have a weekend of indulgence, then I am inevitably blessed (for lack of a better word) with a "food baby."  This is not something that I can take a pill for, nor can I utilise any sort of contraception to negate any unwanted consequences...the only way to avoid this procreation is abstinence.

Is it time to revisit correct portion sizes?!  I think so.

In the last few weeks, I have been with child.  One that only becomes apparent after eating too many potatoes and sometimes, to my chagrin, after fabulous weekends of imbibing.  Mondays and Tuesdays are when I get some serious bloating and the telltale swollen abdomen that comes with progeny begat of wine and rich fare.  Am I preggers?  No.  Does my husband notice?  No, not if he knows what's good for him.  BUT, someone else does.  Someone I see regularly and who apparently looks me up and down a bit more than I thought he did.  Sneaky ninja.

I have been fighting the good fight for about a year and half now...and looking down at my cereal bowl the other day, I think perhaps my portions are creeping up on me.  Breakfast means 1/3 of a cup of high-fibre, sugar-free cereal, 100g of fat-free, sugar-free yogourt, 1/8 of a cup of nuts, and some sort of fruit.  So, how could I possibly let this get out of control?!  Well, I was free-pouring the cereal, I was scooping the yogourt with a giant spoon, cutting up however many nuts I wanted, and then adding A LOT of fruit...not just 1 green banana, more like 2 bananas and possibly a bunch of strawberries too.  Is this bad?  No, none of that black and white thinking for me...but perhaps I was being a bit too generous with the free-stylings of this dish.  And, I'm not going to lie, I have also been eyeballing a lot of other portions as well.  Is this okay?!  Yes, of course, intuitive eating is something I wish I could do.  Am I ready for it yet?!  Possibly not.  Not if I want to get to my goal of 137 pounds.

Yesterday was my weigh-in day, and I was up...up from last week...up to a February/March weight...up the most I think I've ever been up actually.  What am I having?  Twins!?

Starting weight - January 16th, 2013 - 294lbs
53rd weigh-in - January 22th, 2014 - 151.8lbs

54th weigh-in - January 29th, 2014 - 144.3lbs

55th weigh-in - February 5th, 2014 - 154.8lbs

56th weigh-in - February 12th, 2014 - 146.1lbs

57th weigh-in - February 19th, 2014 - 143.7lbs

58th weigh-in - February 26th, 2014 - 145.7lbs

59th weigh-in - March 5th, 2014 - 141.4lbs

60th weigh-in - March 12th, 2014 - 145.1lbs

61st weigh-in - March19th, 2014 - 149.4lbs

62nd weigh-in - March  26th, 2014 - 143.3lbs

63rd weigh-in - April 2nd, 2014 - 147.1lbs

64th weigh-in - April 9th, 2014 - 147.4lbs

65th weigh-in - April 16th, 2014 - 140.7lbs

66th weigh-in - April 23rd, 2014 - 141lbs

67th weigh-in - April 30th, 2014 - 149.3lbs

Time to get down to my "pre-pregnancy" weight of 140.7...that's the lowest I've been so far.  I know I can get there, I've done it before, and this is how I'm going to do it:  

1. Clean eating:  I will eat well balanced, appropriately portioned meals.  I will not eat processed foods (or as few as possible), only whole grains, lean proteins, and fruit and veg.  For extra accountability, I will also blog everything I eat...enter SEE FOOD!  A photographic journey of accountability.  
2. Clean drinking:  No more alcohol!  At least not until my birthday, I may have a sip or two then, but for the next 10 days I will be drinking loads of water, and a whole bunch of tea.  All will be featured in SEE FOOD!
3. Dirty Training (that sounds a whole lot better when I say #eatcleantraindirty) Haha...how about just "training:"  I will follow the ninja's instructions, I will double up when I need to, and not go into over-training mode because I feel guilty for something or another. 

I know you're not supposed to eat seafood when you're "with child" but I am going to SEE FOOD it up so that I am held accountable...nothing like laying it all out there.  If I eat it or drink it, you will see it...which is kinda the way I feel about this food baby that I have strapped to my front right now.  No more whining (or wining) about this, now is the time for action! 

TRICK-OR-TREAT!?!?!

Happy Hallowe'en from Dr. Frank-N-Furter

I had a very HAPPY HALLOWE'EN, Samhain, New Year, Day of the Dead, All Saints and All Souls Days...whatever you want to call it.

Like every good spook on All Hallow's Eve, I wrote some New Year's resolutions on pieces of paper which I then set alight and dropped into a cauldron.  As the leaves on the trees wither and die, so too should some of my bad habits, right?  And, yes, I still have some of those even after 10 months of healthy eating and exercising.  So with this turn of the year's wheel, I will attempt to bid adieu to some of my more unsavoury quirks.

I have been attending the EatingDisorders Programme provided by the Ministry of Child and Family Development every Thursday for the last few months.  As you know, my relationship with food has been somewhat troubled for many years...suffice it to say that I used to dive into several bags of potato chips, down 2 litres of cola, and gorge on endless combinations of mac n' cheese, ramen noodles, and canned pasta whenever I would get upset, stressed, bored...or feel any strong emotion.  It was not a healthy practice, because after stuffing my face full of junk food, I would feel physically ill, and then the shame and guilt of such a pig out would set in.  But, food and I also liked to

Karl Lagerfeld and his date, the Sweet Transvestite!

celebrate with each other.  Have a great day?  Yes, well, let's order greasy burgers, pizza, Chinese, poutine, whatever...it didn't matter, but let's not forget to get chips and pop from the store...and if we get enough food for 6 people, then we can keep eating the take-away for the next day and a half.  Mmm yummy...and I'll start my diet on Monday.  Good plan!  And, famous last words.  Needless to say, my diet...or rather lifestyle overhaul...didn't start until January 16th of this year, and has been chugging along pretty nicely since.  So why attend the Eating Disorders Programme?  Well, because once a foodaholic, always a foodaholic.  I may be in recovery, but I will always have a tendency to overeat even if it goes against my better judgement.

My GP Dr. Laura Phillips, who is the most supportive, understanding, and comprehensive doctor in the world, turned me onto the eating disorders programme after I discussed an inappropriate new inclination to skip meals, or restrict my food.  Last November and December, I was talking to her about my compulsive binge eating.  There was no better high than losing myself in a junk food orgy...and now, it seems, I'm taking cues from my high school skinny-self who ate very little because of her sweetheart's take on thick thighs.  What am I doing?  Why am I doing it?  I get it, I've done a little transferal thing...why eat less and exercise more when I can adopt another eating disordered behaviour?  Sticking to a healthy well balanced diet that keeps my metabolism going all day, well, that's just too damn normal innit? Far too logical for me, why don't I swap one problem for another?  Haha...at least I'm aware of the situation.  It's a trick or treat kind of a thing.  And, as I've given up treats, it gets a little tricky.

Zombie Suzie...at the gym.  Yes, I worked out in this.

Before attending group sessions, I had a preliminary phone interview with someone about my eating habits.  And, following that, I had a one-on-one hour-long chat with a clinical counsellor.  Both experiences led me to ruminate over the how and why of my eating.  No real problems with food growing up, my parents encouraged healthy meals with the occasional treat, I exercised regularly and took part in sport.  I suppose it was my first real boyfriend who made me question the amount of food that was going in my mouth.  So, I just stopped eating as much...because apparently if you eat less, you are more attractive?  It doesn't really make sense, but that's how I saw it.  It must have been in Grade 12 that I first experimented with restrictive eating.  Skip breakfast, eat a recess snack, have lunch, and dinner if I was with my folks, possibly no dinner if I was with my beau.  And then everyone's happy, right?  Well, apart from me who was kinda hungry.

Then in university, I remember getting ready to go to dinner with my new boyfriend "cute boy from my archaeology class," and I asked him if I could wear the outfit that I had put on.  He looked at me as if I were crazy for asking.  But, I had become accustomed to asking for BF approval.  (And, I swore that I would never let a boy control me like that!  Gah!  I had been conditioned.)  So, later when I asked him what I should eat at the restaurant, he told me anything I wanted, of course.  Really?  Cool!  I'll have steak and lobster...just kidding.  

So how did that lead to binge eating?  Well, in my case when I cast off the shackles of restraint I embraced fairly normal eating again.  And, when I say normal, I mean normal in the sense that I wasn't counting calories and I ate a healthy well rounded diet...with the occasional sweet or savoury goodie thrown in.  I was embracing intuitive eating:  Eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full.  Duh!  Then I broke up with that university boyfriend, and I was sad.  So sad and mad at myself for causing the break-up, and irrationally angry with men, boys I should say...so how will I get back at them?  Well, I'll be wickedly clever, sharp witted, and wildly successful at anything I set my mind to...and then, and then they'll think..."Why did I ever break up with her?  She is sooooo fabulous."  Or I could just stew in my dorm room and eat mi goreng before I go to sleep pretty much every night.  Hmmm...what to do, what to do?

Thus began my own personal confederation of food and emotion.  You told me what to eat?  I will take back that power by eating what I like, when I like, and however much I like, thank you very much!  Who has the power now, Bucko?  Oh, and slightly larger thighs.  Awww crap.  My cunning plan has side effects, and appears to be backfiring!  Now add a lack of varsity field hockey to the mix and we've got the freshman 15....except that I was a sophomore, so I doubled it.

This Halloween.  Batman needed  little help, obviously.

And 18 years later, I was almost 300 pounds.  Okay, I may have left out some of the details of how that came to be...but you don't need to know the specifics, you need to know that I started equating food with comfort, pleasure, happiness, solace, and a bunch of other nouns that describe a state of being.  I ate for stress relief, to alleviate emotional pain, and as a way of coping with the ups and downs of life.  I was a totally normal kid (well, to a certain extent) and I gradually turned myself into a food addict who became completely obsessed with eating.

Now, on Thursdays, I go to group meetings and hang with a small number of women all affected by binge eating.  We are lead by 2 or 3 counsellors at a time who cover topics as varied as “using your wise mind,” “dialectical abstinence,” and “primary and secondary emotions”…and something about arrows.  Very fancy stuff...and it seems to be working, or at least I seem to be applying it, not only to my eating, but also every other aspect of my life.  Now I pretty much feel like I’m screwed up in lots of other ways…but at least I’m working on it.  

Winter is coming!

As I sit here in the lobby of the Crystal Pool & Fitness Centre, Old Man Winter has taken over outside.  The sun is shining, the sky is blue, the leaves are off the trees, and there is a bit of snow on the ground.  It is lovely out there.

And you know what?  Winter never used to phase me.  Last year, I had my extra layers that I couldn't take off, but now…now I am affected by something that I haven’t experienced in a very long time…the cold.

When I started gaining weight in Montréal, perhaps it was not because of my awkward way of dealing with emotional issues and food fetish, perhaps it was just a survival technique.  I arrived back in La Belle Ville one very sunny and humidly hot August.  Then in September, I started plumping up in preparation for the coming winter.  I indulged on steamés, poutine, pizza and fries (it’s weird, but it happens in Montréal, don’t ask me why) rather than acorns, berries, and

seeds.  There’s a reason that the all the months leading up to the Canadian deep freeze end in BER…though personally, I think they should end in BRRR…in Québec, however, they would probably end in “beurre” and be 1 and a ½ times larger than the rest of the word.  But, when the temperature fell, I was alright.  PERK:  Gain 15 pounds September through December?  Wear 1 less layer under your wool coat this January!  Come to think of it, why didn’t I just go into hibernation?  I could have avoided the cold altogether!   

Now, I can’t leave the house without fleece or down or wool.  It’s a bit ridiculous…how am I supposed to be a stylish Montréaler who still wears leather in negative 20 degrees Celsius if I don’t have natural insulation to keep me warm?  I suppose I’ll have to come to terms with the fact that I will now feel the cold…and be less appetizing to roaming bands of cannibals…unless they are health-conscience and prefer a lower fat option.

reTHINK

I'm sitting in the lobby of the Crystal Pool & Fitness Centre, blogging away...when one of the employees comes up to the row of vending machines to my right, she turns to me and says:

"Awww...well...I can't go and get cheesies now with you sitting right there."

I love that this is the effect I have on people.  It used to be that I was the devil on everyone's shoulder...yes, have the tortilla chips...may I recommend a nice sugary drink to go with, or perhaps some beer with those nachos?  Now, all I have to do is sit here...and people rethink their choices.  Ha!

And with that said, I'm off to the Eating Disorders Clinic for an orientation.    

Heavy Mental

Two weeks in, 12 pounds down, and my first group mental training session.  We talked about setting smart goals - Specific Measurable Actionable Realistic Timely goals...all I could think of was bondage pants.  Oh, you mean the one we set with our trainers?  50 pounds gone by the end of this thing.  We talked of semantics, positive self talk and gratitude.

The session is geared around building mental toughness for your journey - it is a good time to check in with yourself to see how you are doing and learn some skills to help with any challenges that pop up - Christie Gialloreto

Grade 12 me.

About a month ago I had my one on one with Christie.  How do you sum up your life and how you got the way got and the reasons for that in an hour?  Realistically, how do you do that without laying on a couch with a box of tissues beside you?  I managed.  

I told her how I grew up healthy and active, I knew the ins and outs of food due to my dietitian mother, how I got really skinny in high school because my boyfriend thought I was kinda chunky.  I told her about my switch from feeling in control by restricting calories to mindful eating.  This is a tricky kind of consumption.  The "you told me I was fat, you told me to eat less," well, I'm going to stuff my face with potato chips because that'll show you.  How does that work exactly?  It doesn't.
 

Take me to the club!

University living, junior varsity field hockey, and a change in relationships started me back on track for a year or so, but I started new habits...staying up all night, hanging out with friends, eating junk food, drinking beer, and then going home, sleeping, and repeating.  Maybe throw some dancing in there for cardio - I had a love affair with Love Affair and the Drawing Room.  Ah, good times.  And this kept up until the 2nd part of 2nd year...when I was asked to leave.  Shame!  I guess that's what happens when you decide it's more important to attend Pub Night than Zooarchaeology 340...I know I'm not the only one out there that has gone this route, but I'm too polite to name names.  You know who you are...and we are all smart cookies with insatiable appetites for fun.  For the record, when I went back to uni I made the Dean's List each semester, and got my Bachelor of Arts with distinction.  Pheuff!

Aidy, Róisín, Me, Sarah, Kevin

Then there was Malta.  I was more curvy than ever, but that didn't stop me from packing 2 bikinis to sport on one of the rocky limestone beaches on that most magnificent rock...and my university residence had a pool!  Not to mention, the restaurant at said university residence sold very lovely $4 bottles of Matlese wine.  Heaven! Summer school in archaeology and a fabulous place to live?  Yes, please!  There's even an entire city in Malta dedicated to partying.  Paceville is chockablock full of bars and clubs...and university kids, like me.  House music poured out of the discos and into the streets where we roamed in search of the ubiquitous foam party.      

Summer school in Malta turned into real life archaeology in Ireland.

The terrors of Temple Bar - Su and Lu

I was 21 through 23 years old when I was abroad.  Archeology, despite what you might imagine, is hard work....it's not all old bearded British gentlemen donning suede-patched sports coats in oxblood coloured club chairs waxing philosophical.  For me, it was digging in sand and dirt trenches in the sun, rain, and even snow.  It was, "Here's this skull cap, now find the rest of this skellie."  But, archaeology isn't the only thing I indulged in whilst I was living in Éire.  I don't know if you have partaken in the nectar of the gods that is Guinness?  It is certainly one of my weaknesses.  From my first perfectly pulled half-pint at Bruxelles, I was hooked.  And, here's what they don't tell you about Ireland in the guidebooks...no one entertains at home, everyone goes out to pubs to socialise.  So when in Rome...erm...Dublin, do as the Irish do.  And, FYI,  you cap off a night of drinking the black stuff with a quick trip to the nearest Abrakebabra for some curry fries.  My bathroom window even opened out onto the chippy downstairs.  It was hard to resist the temptation of fast food when the smell of batter burgers wafted through my flat 24/7.  

So, I gained some weight when I was there, and when I returned to Victoria I dealt with it.  With my parents' help, I found an exercise physiologist who introduced a workout regimen that would take me from over 180 pounds to 160 something in the weeks that preceded my move back to Montréal.  

Murphy's Pub w/ the Royal Belles

After living in Europe, it became imperative for me to find a happy place somewhere between Valetta and Victoria, and what better city than my hometown of Montréal?  I moved back in 1999.  There, I returned to university and immersed myself in the subculture known as rockabilly.  I reveled in the scene for the next 7 years.  Montréal is the most cosmopolitan city in the world.  It's like Europe, but not.  It's idiosyncratic.  Québeckers, like me, are enamoured with the good things in life.  Fashion, food, drink, music, culture...the list is extensive...and these things are enjoyed with an unparalleled joie de vivre.  I'm not even going to mention the poutine.  Montréal, the temptress, took me in and showed me how to live life to excess.  Sadly, my intemperance lead to obesity, yo-yo dieting, and depression - certainly not the sort of hangover you can cure with a greasy breakfast.

Stéphane and I moved to Victoria in 2006, partly because we thought the lifestyle would be healthier.  Unfortunately, our bad habits had moved with us.   

West coast Suzie on a float plane.

What does all this have to do with my mental coaching session? Well, this is my history...how I earned my weight.  I was fine with food until my self-esteem took a bit of a beating, then instead of coping by starving, I coped by stuffing.  I gave up sports, I lived the life of a student, I ate too much and drank too much, my addiction to junk food started and sheer laziness prevailed until I returned from my adventures overseas where I took charge of my health for a brief period until I lost myself in la plus extraordinaire city in the world.  There, I learned to accept myself while trying to reduce my weight for several intermittent periods.  Moved out west, continued the languorous lifestyle, dieted down, ate myself back up, broke my foot, gained more, depression set in, sprained my ankle...enough is enough (and this time I mean it)!

Ask me about my ninja disguise.

Christine heard it all...and now, so have you.  I had already quit unhealthy food cold turkey and started training 9 times a week when we started working on mental toughness.  It's all about commitment, control, consistency, and confidence.  

I have learned that our background and circumstances influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become - Anonymous       

 If that's true...I want to become a ninja...in PVC bondage pants, of course.

The oracle Delfine speaks...

She is wise beyond her years, she is well-read and highly educated, she is a beautiful soul, a blonde bombshell, she's bilingual, blithesome...and she's one of my very best friends.  

I met Del, like the computer not the phone company, many moons ago at a rather large downtown bookstore in Montréal.  We were both working the cash desk at the time, and I was having some sort of trouble explaining something in French to a customer, she jumped in.  "Wow, your French is immaculate," I told her.  She then revealed, "That's because I am French."  To this day, there are only a couple of words that she says in which I can hear an accent.

Suzie & Del...right before our midnight feed on Halloween near Frenchman St..

Del is not only an amazing friend who will traipse all the way to New Orleans to join her buddies for a holiday, but she is also an inspiration for those of us who are a bit bigger boned.

A few years ago, after her July vacation she decided to embrace healthier eating habits.  Del, as I knew her, was never a skinny mini but she was never fat.  She had a bubble butt and a great set of tatas - a very nice hourglass figure if you ask me.  At 5'1" she was pleasantly plump, she ate fries and had drinks when we met up, she wasn't a compulsive over-eater like me.  But, something made her reassess her food pattern in 2009.  In January of 2010 she started walking home from work, just walking home.  The journey is 5 kilometres - it is a pretty good hike.  When she started, it took her an hour or so, and now it takes her about 35 minutes.  In 2012, Delfine incorporated 3 to 4 yoga classes per week into her routine.  This astonishing woman has transformed her body.  When we visited in 2011, the fruits of her labour were already showing.  She looked fantastic...she appeared to be an entirely different person, in fact.  The blonde hair helped, Del had always been a brunette.  But, her bod was amazeballs.  The girl brought 5 pairs of tall boots with her to Tofino, for frak's sake! 

When we met up in New Orleans a year later, she looked toned, fit, and fabulous.  And, upon learning about my new quest for fitness and my tribulations with weigh-ins...she gave me this advice (okay it was borrowed from her yoga instructor):

"People put too much importance on what they look like, when it should be all about how they feel.  In a garden, the tulip isn't jealous of how the rose looks, and the rose doesn't want to look more like a daffodil."

Namaste yogini Delfine, namaste.  This is so true.  When you exercise and eat right, you feel amazing...and the results, well...they come with...but we have got to stop comparing ourselves to others.  Take what you have and maximize.  I like to think that I have always thought this way, but it's always good to be reminded.

Anyway, I firmly believe that I am a Bird of Paradise.  One big-ass flower with attitude.  Fairly expensive, sometimes unavailable, unparalleled in its uniqueness, rather spiky, but also delicate when in full bloom, and if incorporated in the right bouquet...utterly charismatic.  

Delfine, thank you for being a posy in my vase.  I love you.

Elevenses, Luncheon, and Tea...oh my!

Not only do I look like a Hobbit, short and round with a mop of curly hair, but my new eating regimen is reminiscent of THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING:
 

Aragorn: Gentlemen, we do not stop 'til nightfall.
Pippin: What about breakfast?
Aragorn: You've already had it.
Pippin: We've had one, yes. What about second breakfast?
Merry: I don't think he knows about second breakfast, Pip.
Pippin: What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn't he?
Merry: I wouldn't count on it.  

Three days a week I eat breakfast, go to the gym and do some cardio, then I eat a snack at "recess" while trying to figure out something clever to say on the blog.  I can write for hours and frequently do in the lobby of the Crystal Pool & Fitness Centre (come say hi), during this time I will eat again before walking home.  When I'm at home, I have some sort of snack before I figure out dinner.  Then when Stéphane comes home, we eat some supper, let it settle and then go back to the gym for workout number 2.  I try and have a little something after the gym...a piece of fruit or a yogourt perhaps.  And that is eating 6 times a day...I had no idea when I started this that I would be force feeding myself all day.  Haha...I'm not even that hungry half the time.  The rest of the week, I do the same...though I have a different workout schedule.

Well, if this is what I need to do to lose the Hobbit and gain the Elf...I gotta do what I gotta do.