When I started writing this blog post, it was 9.05 in the morning and I had just gotten out of bed without making it, and put on our robot vacuum, Ashitaka.  But first I wasted a bunch of time snuggled under the covers checking my phone and playing with Toothless, the cat.  I have to decide what to do today.  It's Friday.  And, I haven't been out of the house in 5 days.

My first big decision today is what to do about what I am doing.  In 37 days it'll be Stéphane and my anniversary, in 57 days two of my good friends are getting married in Vancouver, in 95 days it's Halloween, in 134 days it's Stephane's office party, and in 150 days it'll be Christmas.  One small step in the right direction could make all the difference when it comes to tackling all those events.  Staying the same...won't lead anywhere.  That's what's been going on for the last 3 months.  Absolutely nothing.  (With the exception of a fabulous trip to Hawaii...so I'm not really complaining, but I am a little...kinda.)

Will today be different?  That is the question.  I have decided to not waste the day plopped in front of a TV screen waiting for my partner in crime to come home from work.  Today I will do something that makes me happy.  I will do something that will contribute to my future happiness and well-being.

I guess before I do anything I should write some of my goals down.  Classic Suzie, plan everything.  To say that I want to lose weight is an understatement...I want to be where I was in 2013 right about now...2014 would be even better, and where I was in 2015 was in a significantly better place than where I was in 2016...but 2016 wasn't bad at all...so WTF is up with 2017?  Well, I have fallen off the wagon.  There's only so much I can do to hide this weight gain before I just start hiding myself.  Oh wait.  I haven't been outside in days...guess I am in hiding.

So, Goal #1 - do something, anything, healthy.
And Goal #2 -  be grateful that you did that something/anything.  

Now the last thing I want to do at this moment is weigh myself, because that will cause me to break down knowing all the damage that I have done to this incredible body over the last few months/years.  But, the pain I suffered yesterday from simply walking around the house doing a few simple tasks was somewhat of a wake-up call.  If I don't do something about this weight fast, I'm going to live in chronic pain brought on by junk food and inactivity, and that sucks more than being a little bit hungry from time to time and getting sweaty every day at some point. 

I can do this...again.

Iron Goddess & the Christmas Conundrum

To get through the latest part of my quest for health and fitness, I've had to find some serious steely resolve.  As Iron Goddess, I have shown a certain amount of dedication, determination, and discipline thus far, but what I didn't expect was the holiday season effect.  

The Christmas conundrum is this:  "You've done so well, look how tiny you are!  Surely, you deserve a break...a rest...a treat...another drink.  It's Christmas time." etc. etc. etc.  This happens most frequently at parties, dinners, girls' nights, afternoon sessions, open houses, evenings at the pub, family gatherings, restaurants...pretty much anywhere there's an opportunity for me to do something "naughty" when it comes to eating or drinking.  Now, I understand why a host(ess), friend, colleague, or whoever would say something like that, because they just want me to relax and enjoy myself.  They are giving me permission to let go for a bit - that's all fine and dandy for other people, but I am not other people.  I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I've got to choose nice over naughty if I want to reach my goal.  I'm still in the process, I can't let the Baby Jesus' birthday celebration screw me up.  

So how do I deal with ubiquitous holiday parties?  Well, for that I take a cue from the tenets of Taekwondo. 

1. Courtesy - Ye Ui - Be courteousness to the host(ess).  I thank him/her for inviting me, give a gift for being gracious enough to have me over, invite me to the dinner, or ask me to be involved in whatever the festive occasion...and I don't tell her/him that I'm not really going to eat because I don't exactly know what's in any of the food and my body really doesn't need all those high fat, high carb goodies anyway.  I will, however, go crazy at the fruit and veggie platters or eat some of the appetiser I brought...luckily, no one really notices this, because I'm super chatty and always have a glass of something in my hand.  Who says if you give up the treats, you can't have a good time, eh?  Cheers!

2. Integrity - Yom Chi - With integrity, one is able to define what is right and wrong and live a life of principle and morality.  Well, as you know, I have a Croatian conscience who keeps me somewhat in line; but having said that, choosing between right and wrong has often been easy over difficult, tasty over bland, lazy over industrious for me...but not anymore.  Adherence to my new healthy lifestyle is correct, slipping back into old habits is not.  No 13 trips to the buffet this holiday season.  It's about embracing the change and making decisions such as this:  No unhealthy food...only wine.  Wait!  No.  Awww...man, I gotta work on this one. 

3. Perseverance - In Nae - is all about having patience.  I knew getting into this whole health challenge that it would take time, and that I would need to keep at it if I were ever going to reach my ultimate goal.  Perseverance is knowing that I can overcome any difficulty through time and discipline.  It is the realisation that if I let go and eat and drink anything I want at a holiday party, that it will have some consequences.  And, at the same time if I do let go and eat and drink anything I want for, well, let's say Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, that perseverance means accepting the aftermath of said actions and forging onwards without dwelling on 2 days of frivolous behaviour.  I have endured almost 12 months of exercise and clean eating, and I am not about to throw all of that out the window for some turkey and mash...and, so I continue on the path to health and fitness despite what may have happened on the 24th and 25th.  Perseverance is accepting slip ups, forgiving yourself, and continuing down the righteous road.

4. Self-Control - Guk Gi - “He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty" - Lao-tzu.  Christmas or not, this may be the most difficult of all the tenets for me to follow.  As a binge eater, self-control is not my strong suit...and now, in an ironic reversal of fortunes, restriction is how I exert governance over myself.  I realise this is not appropriate, and I am working on it...I suppose I feel the need to punish myself for misbehaving...or for past bad behaviour.  Before you think that I am dabbling in anorexia, it doesn't happen all the time but it is there, it rears its ugly head occasionally.  Self-control for me is being able to maintain my healthy lifestyle without the pendulum swinging too far in any direction.  I am someone who strives for perfection, this is very difficult for me to accept, though I realise that I need sustainability.  As Iron Goddess, I am in complete control of my person...mentally, physically, and emotionally, as Suzie Spitfyre I'm still a fat girl trying to get healthy.

5. Indomitable Spirit - Baekjul Boolgool - having the courage of one's convictions.  Despite the odds being stacked against me this holiday season, I will triumph over the never-ending buffets, ever-flowing fountains of drink, and the overwhelming draw of the Christmas couch.  I will not be easily defeated, discouraged, or subdued...and thank gods there are only 5 more days of this nonsense!  As much as I love festivities with friends and family, exerting iron will over what used to beat me into submission has been hard.  Though I wasn't perfect, I did my best...and lived to fight another day...for I am Iron Goddess and I am indomitable.