Texts from my Croatian Conscience:

My conscience as a 1950s okā-san of the okiya.

Okay, it's time for numbers.  How much did you lose?

Well...a month ago I was at 292.1 and tomorrow is my weigh-in day...but I stepped on the scale this morning and I was at 273.6.

You know how much I hate being nice to you and saying good things...but that's amazing.

You are less fet lady.

I have to start coming up with new material because I won't be able to make fun of your weight.