Thursday, October 10, 2013

And now, we return to our regularly scheduled programming: The Tale of the Incredible Shrinking Woman.

LACKADAISICAL, busy...whatever, I have not been blogging, but I have been doing things.  Things I should be blogging about - training outside, taekwondo, riding my bike all over the place, running with the dog, taking part in the eating disorders programme, copious amounts of yoga, spinning, gaining, losing, eating, drinking, enjoying my summer and not writing.  Now, I'm back.  I've been working on one bleeding post about the Times Colonist article and my ninja...and I've had a heck of a time with writer's block.  Why?  Well, I have no idea how to thank him for all that he's done for me...but don't worry, I'm working on it.  I promise it'll be out today or tomorrow.

Last time I checked in about my weight, it was Weigh-in Wednesday #30...this is how that went:

Starting weight:  292.1  
I had no idea getting my throat slit would be so much fun!
1st weigh-in:  286.8
2nd weigh-in:  280.1
3rd weigh-in:  276.4
4th weigh-in:  274.1
5th weigh-in:  270.6
6th weigh-in:  266.2
7th weigh-in:  262
8th weigh-in:  261.4
9th weigh-in:  257.7
10th weigh-in 251.4
11th weigh-in 247.3
12th weigh-in 243.6
13th weigh-in 241.7
14th weigh-in 235.4
30th Weigh-in Gorelesque performance with Bloody Betty & Co.
15th weigh-in 235.4
16th weigh-in 227.7
17th weigh-in 223.5
18th weigh-in 223.5
19th weigh-in 221.6
20th weigh-in 221.6
21st weigh-in 215.6
22nd weigh-in 213.2
23rd weigh-in 207.9
24th weigh-in 206.6
25th weigh-in 200.1
26th weigh-in 199.7
27th weigh-in 197

28th weigh-in 191.3
29th weigh-in 189.9 
30th weigh-in 180.7

So then after my giant loss of 9.2 pounds, this happened:

31st weigh-in 183.4

Just before the Crystal Pool closed down for annual did I, apparently.  After 30 weigh-ins of losses...I gained.  I gained 2.7 pounds...and that put me in a state of disbelief and panic, of course.  Self-doubt, yes, I had that...and disappointment?  Yup, felt that too.  And so I slunk over to the ninja on August 21st, 2013 to tell him what had happened on the scale.  Generally, I fire off an excited text just after weigh-in at 6:30 in the morning or something like that...but I didn't feel celebratory that particular morning.  So, I only told him when he asked.  Mind you, he had warned me that I would plateau at some point.  Originally he speculated it would be at 220 or 200 pounds, but after observing my pattern of losses he said 180...and looky there, he was right.  Gah!  I dropped a ridiculous 9.2 pounds...hit 180.7...and then my body said...NOPE!  Just kidding.

So for the next week, I worked out extra hard (without my beloved Crystal Pool & Fitness Centre being open...thank you spin classes at Quadra Sport & Fitness) and kept eating really cleanly with a dollop of restriction (which I will talk about later) thrown in...and all that hard work resulted in another gain.  This time I was up 3 more pounds.  Stupid body.  Stupid mind.

32nd weigh-in 186.4 

Is that any way to be rewarded for hard work and dedication to my new (or newish) regimen?

Now, when I say hard work and dedication, I mean..yes, I ate cleanly and yes, I worked out...but here's the sketchy thing, if my mind isn't totally into it, it doesn't seem to really matter.  Or so I've been told.  Remember, the month of May when I became suspect of the process for the first time after seeing the bariatric surgeon?  Well, a gain and then my gym closing apparently had a greater effect on me than I thought.  Tuesday, August 27th, would be the first time I broke down in tears and blubbed all over Jonathan in the lobby of my newly closed rec centre.  Just exactly what I wanted to do that day, obviously. 
This is how we talk.  Haha...
We met on the tennis courts for our first outdoor training session since the forced closure of the Crystal Pool & Fitness Centre and soon moved into the lobby to talk shop. Jonathan made the colossal mistake of asking me how I was doing...and I lost it.  My eyes welled up with tears and I asked him, "You mean beyond being disappointed in myself for gaining weight?"  And then, I clammed up because that's what you do when tears spill down all over you face and you don't really want to talk about what's actually bothering you.  I don't normally talk about personal issues with the ninja...beyond what's happening with my cat's health.  Perhaps it was my depression rearing it's ugly head once more, or maybe it was just the fact that I needed a break in my routine after 4 continuous months of twice daily training except on weekends and clean eating all the bloody time, or it could have been that I was overwhelmed by the positive response of people whom I don't know at all commending me on my progress and celebrating my weight loss, when all I could think about was my failure to lose anything in the last couple of weeks.

My baby ninja cat, Cobweb.
Whatever it was, I was feeling particularly vulnerable, and then I let loose and...waaah cat is sick, and I really love my little baby kitty and I need Cobweb to be okay because I can't live without her.  Wahhh waaah it's hard to get up and go to the gym 2 times a day especially when your husband isn't that into going to the gym with you any more...and wahhh wahhhhh....I need to eat properly 6 times a day and not give in to temptation...and I have to stop restricting when I do give into temptation (even though giving in to temptation has changed drastically since January 16th, 2013...oh no, I ate 16 Crispy Minis and a spoonful of hummus).  Waaaahhhhwaaaahhh...I drank too much alcohol when I went out on Saturday, but I still managed to make it to spinning on Sunday morning...and it just sucks because.....waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh...I feel like I can't be social and do things with people because that means I drink alcohol or eat out and that's not a good thing.  Someone call a waaahhhmbulance.

The ninja sat and listened...which is exactly what I needed.  Because, let's face it, I wasn't exactly being very articulate, and I'm not used to sharing my feelings with the man that makes me do push-ups every time I attempt to befriend him.  What happened to lightening up, JC?  You told me you would once I reached that 100 pound milestone.  I was throwing a bit of a pity party for myself, complete with waterworks, whining, and a wobbly bottom lip.  I'm not proud of what I did, but I do know that sometimes you have to bottom out before you can climb back up again.  And in my world, the end of the world is gaining weight, disappointing the ninja, and not giving it my all.  Before I realised that all I probably needed was some time to sort my head out, the ninja told me that we weren't going to be training that day, and that my week of active rest had just started.

Deep breath.  No training?  But, that's what I do.  I haven't gone back to work yet, so working out is my job!  This is like forced staycation.  Well, I guess things could be worse.  The last time I had an active rest week (in April), I still did cardio once a day at the gym...but this time I took the entire week off.  More of a rest week, less of an active week...unless you count going boating and island hopping.  

33rd weigh-in 186.3

Wednesday September 4th, 2013 - And I'm down!  I don't even care that it's a tiny amount...the scale went in the right direction.  How does this work exactly?  I stop working out, I eat a bit too much, I drink a bit too much, and I lose weight?  I think sometimes you just need to get the heck outta Dodge, change your scenery, forget what's troubling you...and chill.  In this case, I just needed to go to Pender market, hang out with my birth-mom, take a ride on the schooner skippered by my little bro, drink wine outside in nature, I needed to sit by a pond and watch dragon flies to clear my head.  How am I going to get through this next part of my weight loss journey if I keep beating myself up when I gain?  It's only a few pounds, and obviously, I know how to lose weight...look at my track record.  I have to keep in mind that it's a form of dialectical abstinence.  I will strive to keep on this path of healthy eating and exercising, I will do my best to stay focused and follow the plan...but if I should indulge in some treats or skip a spin class once in a while, I'm not going to wave a white flag and admit defeat.  If I'm not perfect and ocassionally gain weight, that's okay, it's just part of the process, and nobody's perfect, right?
I strove for perfection the very next week.  And...

34th weigh-in 174.8

Yes, that is an 11.5 pound loss in 1 week.  This is one crazy game I'm playing.  That is far too much in one week, but it follows my established pattern of stay the same weight, stay the same weight (or gain weight), then lose a ridiculous amount of weight.  I had to get a witness when I stepped on the scale, and I stepped on it 3 times in front of that witness to be sure that I wasn't seeing things.  So besides drinking loads of Silk Road teas and eating mountains of veggies, what did I do differently that week?  I'll tell you...I started working out again.  Not in crazy amounts as the Crystal remained closed, but I went to yoga and trained with the ninja a couple of times, even went kayaking at Willows Beach.  Apparently, active living is awesome and results in colossal losses.

Kickboxing in the park.  That's what happened next.  I hadn't really been doing any kicking lately because I was without gym, and no gym means no heavy bag, and no heavy bag means no kicking and punching...unless you have your very own ninja.  So, training on the tennis courts turned into kickboxing in the park, what an amazing workout!  My next session with Jonathan was less Thai boxing, and more Korean kicking.  Back on the courts, I spent the hour kicking pads, learning more moves, and sweating.  

35th weigh-in 174.8

Pattern.  Established and confirmed.  Time to kick it up a notch...literally.  On my 35th weigh-in Wednesday, I started Taekwondo classes.  Besides being the only person that seems to have no clue what's going on, I feel pretty badass.  Except that I'm not sure how to hold my hands, and there's a lot of yelling, and instructions are sometimes given in a different language, and I'm the only one not dressed in white pajamas, but apart from that it's good.  Change is good...hopefully the added classes will have a positive effect on my 36th weigh-in.

36th weigh-in 170.1

Taek works!  I just kicked 4.7 pounds off of me...AND the Crystal Pool & Fitness Centre is open again.  Ladies and gentlemen, we are back in business!  Life is good.  Happy October!


  1. Anonymous10/11/2013

    It's great to read what you've been up to and the progress you've made. I've missed reading your posts during the past month. RR

    1. Yay! More to trials and tribulations and successes and celebrations coming soon :-)