Hey, remember when I had that epiphany on Epiphany? Well, I put off doing anything about my confessed weight gain...how about that?!
You know, the "I'll do something about that tomorrow," type of thing? Guys, it's been tomorrow 17 times since I wrote that post, and I still haven't gotten my fat ass to the gym, or revamped my eating habits. Well, that changes today.
Why am I so bloody scared?! I am having anxiety attacks about changing my lifestyle back to what it was 4 years ago, I am scared of giving up what I think is making me happy but is actually contributing to my weight gain and subsequently my depression.
AND to top that off, my Croatian conscience has gone back to hurting my feelings...and not even in Croatian!
"You've put on quite a bit of weight. We need to turn that around.
I don't mean to hurt your feelings but I'm not going to sugar coat things. It serves no one. Neither does enabling you.So have a good cry and get back to tracking your food, go to the gym, and don't waste your calories on wine."
*Crosses arms in front of chest and pouts* I hate it when he's right.
Today I took a step towards my future. I decided to reset all my various fitness and weight loss goals on all of my many fitness and weight loss apps and websites. And you know that's a bit deal, because I had to try and go back through all the days that I did track all the shit that I did that was unhealthy and delete the evidence. Suzie means business.
SIDE NOTE: Damn you: Lose It, Bodybuilding.com, and Fitbit for making it impossible for me to reset all my information and make it look like I just recently decided to take control of my health. There's nothing more infuriating than being unable to wipe the slate clean, to make vanish the past that wasn't so perfect. But, I guess that's just like real life. It's hard to say that you are still committed to a healthy lifestyle when you have visibly gained a tonne of weight. I'm not going to go around and say that I have been really good with my eating, while also having kept on top of my exercising, because it's kind of obvious that that has not been the case. The jig is up.
Today, I write down my intentions. Today I prep my meals for the week. Today I organise my schedule. AND, Tomorrow I go back to the gym.
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow...